A
male
age
36-40,
*akeo239
writes:ok everyone look I just got out of a 3 year relationship it was my fault I was a very controlling person I'm not any more but still can anyone just give me any tips how to not be so controlling so I can add to what Ive already learned? if any one has good advice please help me out! I love this girl more than any thing and I know I made a mistake I always told her I would change and never did so right now to her its like I'm the little boy who cried wolf I'm even taking it as far as to go see a hypnosis expert to help fix my problems with control and jealousy how can I prove to her I really am a changed person???
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male
reader, takeo239 +, writes (10 July 2008):
takeo239 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see what u mean bro ty ^.^
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): I am afraid you are not going to like what I tell you, but I am not trying to upset you; in fact I am trying to help you;
You need to get profesional help; once you are with a counsellor for treatment, trying to overcome your behaviour problems; well maybe then, this girl might believe that you are seriously doing something about your issues;
I don't think; untill then you will be able to try and convince her different;
However, even with treatment; she might be scared and have reservations; you need to give her time; proof to her that you are making changes;
BUT
If she decides to MOVE On in the meanwhile; so be it; at least you will be better prepared for a future relationship;
You have to FOCUS on you and your issues; the sooner you have dealt with that; you will be ready for a relationship; being it with her or anybody else.
Why wait; get started; and good luck.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 I don't think that you can prove it by telling her, only your actions can prove it. If she has broken up with you and has asked for you not to contact her, I would respect her wishes. Otherwise, give her as much space as she needs and don't contact her randomly to the point where she feels like you are stalking her, for goodness sake! Drop her a line after one or two months, and perhaps on her birthday and special occassions, and if she feels that she wants contact with you again, let her initiate it. You will know, by her words and demeanor, whether or not she is willing to have contact with you again. If not, you will just have to accept her decision and the part that your reactions played in it, I'm afraid, Dear. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, link2067 +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Dude I was in the same boat as you....My gf for so long felt I was the controlling force in our relationship. Sometimes us guys have a had time understanding how women feel, and at the same time they(females) have a hard time explaining it to us. The proof will be found in your actions, dont try and tell her with words, show her. Make sure that you dont rush her and that she feels comfortable coming back. You must know yourself and know when/what situations may cause you to be controlling. Honestly step 1 is trust...trust that you know her and her feelings for you. Step 2 is patience...when situations come up remain calm in think first before you respond. Be patience and continue to try to understand whereshe is coming from. The majority of the time thats all women want from us.
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