A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,So I’m the same guy who wrote these two posts.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/mixed-signals-from-my-crush.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-fwb-has-friend-zoned-me-and-its.htmlThis is gonna be the last time I write about this person.Last week it was my birthday, and this guy I’m in love with, didn't even sent me a text wishing me happy birthday, we haven't talked in ages as I have controlled my urge to write him. I checked him out recently and it has now become clear to me that he is very happy in his (now not so new) relationship and he clearly wants nothing to do with me anymore. After lots and lots of crying and feeling so much rage and anguish, I have finally decided that I’m now truly gonna give it my best shot at moving on and forgetting about him. I want to enjoy what remains of my time studying overseas and harvesting false hope on my heart over someone who’s simply not meant for me, is a waste of time and energy and something that I wish to stop doing. I know it sounds incredibly childish and immature , indeed after all this experience I have now realised I am not half as mature as I think I am. But I believe we can all remember our first love, o well, I haven’t had that yet as it was never mutual, but he is the first person I have truly fallen for. With him all the stupid cheesy love songs make sense, all the teenage girl quotes get a meaning, all the pain of having a broken heart becomes all too real. Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back, really does suck, they say no one dies of a broken heart, but you feel like you do. I cry myself to sleep almost every night, many of my free evenings I spend locked in my room just thinking about him, I have been having casual sex for the first time in my life just in an attempt to feel something different and make the pain subside for a little bit. I had even started going back to church and praying to get a second chance with him. But after reading all your comments, and trying to think with my head, I now realise that I have to let him go. I must stop ignoring the reality and I have to face the inevitable. I will never forget him and I hope to learn and grow from this experience, but it’s about time for me to accept that that is all there is to it. I felt bad for asking, until a friend made me see there’s nothing wrong with it, as we are all imperfect humans. I ask for help. I am young, and this is my first time in this situation, and being away from home I feel very lonely. If some of you could give me some tips on how to get over someone who doesn't love you, or how to move on from a situation like this. Movies, songs, books, or simply whatever kind of advice you might have will all be greatly appreciate it. If you are reading this, I am a complete stranger to you.But I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 October 2016):
 The relationships that start out at lightening speeds are usually the ones that don't last because they're not usually based up anything solid, more just passionate and based around sex.
It hurts for a good while I'm not going to lie to you. In the case I mentioned about myself, I found out last night that the girl slept with a guy I know this weekend and it cut deep, very deep. I thought I was getting on just fine in a month with no contact but it felt like I was back to day one. I'm sure I'll survive though, just think of all the stuff you've already dealt with in your life and came out the other side unscathed. We as humans have a fantastic ability to deal with whatever life throws at us. It makes us the people that we are and helps to shape the character that one day somebody will fall in love with and leave you wondering why you spent so much time feeling sorry for yourself.
Keep going mate, you'll get there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, so I'm the writer of the post.I haven't block him, because I don't have anything to block him on. When I moved overseas I changed my number and I delated his. Last time I heard of him (2 months ago) I gave him my new number but he has never texted me. We used to talk on Facebook, but I have now unfriend him, and I can't add him back because of restriction in his profile. I stalked him on Instagram( and that's how I saw he's probably very happy), but I can't block him there, because I don't have Instagram, he simply doesn't have a private account and I just remember the handle. I am trying, but it's been hard. Last week one of my friends bumped into him and they actually had a small chat. I am in an entirely new country, so none of the things I see should remind me of him, yet all of this flashbacks keep coming to my head out of the blue. I just feel so much anger and frustration with my self that I can't move on. I don;t know if any of you read my original posts he and I ended our relationship as a "couple" 10 months ago!!!, and again our "relationship" was intense but still quite short. He never loved me, he used to like me and he might've been infatuated at some stage ages ago, but we never lived a Love Story. I really don;t know what is wrong with me and why it is so hard. But yeah, I'll try to keep myself as busy as possible.And I reckon listening to Sam Smith so much doesn't help.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (24 October 2016):
It sucks, I know but the main thing to do is not wallow in your misery.
N91 suggested you delete and block him from all social media and I wholeheartedly agree. If you keep checking him out you will always find out things that make you feel worse so don't do it. It really delays moving on.
You also asked about books, songs and movies...
The first book that really sprung to to mind when I first read your post was "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens - aspire to be Pip who gets through his struggles in life including unrequited love and DON'T be Miss Haversham who spends all her life wallowing in isolation and misery because she was jilted as young woman. If you think that Dickens is bit too heavy-going how about a good Stephen King! Seriously though, ANY good book will do. Take your mind away from where it is now and go to Narnia for a short while. (Don't waste your time on self-help books if that's what you meant - that will just keep you where you're already at)
Movies - the ones that helped me the most were Airplane, The Life of Brian, Some Like it Hot and Young Frankenstein because they're FUNNY and they took my thoughts away from my negative emotions and lifted my mood. No Rom-coms allowed! (With the possible exception of musicals where I can sing along - just fast forward the mushy songs.
Movies - once again banish the romantic slow songs. No Celine Dion or Whitney Houston anthems! Stick to something that has a beat and you can really dance to - dancing is exercise and exercise is good for you because it lifts your mood! I used to head-bang to Iron Maiden but you may have better ideas.
And get out there and start socialising and making new friends....
Good luck - it will pass.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 October 2016):
First things first, have you blocked and removed him off all social media and deleted his number? That's usually the hardest step for people as you're losing your ability to contact them. However if you don't do this and you're constantly seeing their status updates and what not you'll never get anywhere.
After that all you can do really is keep busy, throw yourself into your studies and hanging out with friends find new hobbies and try to meet new people. That said, it's not a good idea to just try to find a rebound as that almost never works.
I know how much it sucks, I went through something similar myself not so long ago but by realising it's wasting your time is a big step, it took me a long, long time to realise that. It's been about a month or so since I last spoke to or saw her and sometimes it's hard as things you see and hear remind you of them and you need to be ready for that and be able to reassure yourself that you're doing the right thing in trying to move forward. It's hard, but it gets easier mate I promise.
All i did personally was start taking the gym a lot more seriously so I spend a lot of time time reading up on forums and researching things to expand my knowledge and by doing things like that it takes your mind away from the person you're missing.
I also decided to just take time away from speaking to other girls because I wouldn't be concentrating on them fully and I just found myself comparing them to the girl I was missing so I'm clearly not ready. Just use this time to work on yourself. It's hard because you feel like you're made for each other, but you're really not or else you would be together wouldn't you? You'll find someone else down the line and you'll wonder why you wasted so much time feeling like crap over someone who didn't feel the same about you.
Keep your chin up and best of luck.
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