A
female
age
30-35,
*bdd
writes:I need help, I was so close to me and my ex getting back together and I feel like I ruined it. I went over and accused him of so much more than the situation really was. I told him I hated him from the bottom of my heart, that i would have sex with someone else. I threw the necklace he gave me at him and most of all I hurt him by everything I said. :/ I feel horrible that anger could allow me to hurt the person I love so much. We havent talked since that day. But I sent him this yesterday. still no repsonse (When she first told me she had something to tell me I should have just simply told her I didn't care. Because were not together, and if it was something that important you wouldn't be bothered with me anymore. Thursday, when you told me, someone was coming up to you telling you stuff i really didn't get it, I know I had said stuff before but not ever to anyone I thought I couldn't trust. I began to question everybody who I was talking to, and saw that maybe i should be watching who I was talking to. I thought that maybe you were playing around and making it up, just to 'see where my mind was' or to get me to realize I need to be watching who I was telling stuff to. Which I definitely realize now. It was weird though and I just wanted to make sure someone hadn't said something off of what they thought so I eliminated it down to Gloria and Hannah and asked them both had they said anything to you. Hannah no, Gloria a phone call I need to talk to you. I tell her to wait until tomorrow. After meeting in her room after my classes( we planned to hang out anyway), she tells me as soon as her room mate leaves. She tells me 1st that you weren't in the wrong multiple times but also how you had came in there one time and she was warning you she would tell me, how Bethy would wait out in the hall on you to come by and did rounds with you (and yes, although it was one time it was something we shared)...but i just didn't get how you could share the same thing with another girl that was part of the reason i feel so in love with you even though yes, it was so simple.... She couldn't have just known when you were in Langdale, couldn't have know when you started rounds. And yes, even though we weren't together, it hurts to know that, it hurts, and i know you didn't to it intentionally. But thats how I felt, I felt the love growing again, I felt everything building again, and to find out something like that was devastating. I tried to convince myself that it was not true, any of it. But the pain inside kept coming back. I knew I wasn't in the right mindset to speak to you. I knew that maybe I would have caused a problem so i relaxed as much as I could but it hurt to know. I went over with the intentions to simply talk to you ask you your side of the story and hopefully be able to leave it alone after expressing myself. But because of the previous day and because of the missed calls right before, and I thought there was a problem I started getting mad on the way there. But i went inside, I chose to, one of the worst mistakes in my life. I learned from this, that problems in your own life are started by you, and yes you can control the drama in your life, and understand why and how you steered away from it for 22 years. I learned that I need to learn how to communicate better and just speak out with a person and not be afraid of judgement, about how silly it sounds to be hurt by a situation like this. I learned from this that some things are better left alone, and again to never act on bad emotions, and say stuff you don't mean and the most important thing I learned was that I wasn't ready to get back in this, I thought maybe just maybe after all I had learned i was ready but I still cant control my anger fully, I still cant control the way I process a thought into my head, so in a way Im glad it happened just wish it happened a different way, I made a mistake, and everything I said I regret, from the bottom of my heart, I hurt the one I love so so much and I am so sorry. There is nothing I can say to prove that, but I hate what I did. And I will understand if you no longer want to be with me, but please continue to be my friend. I love you, and nothing will ever change that.) do you think that was enough said and just to continue to try? I love this dude with all my heart, I see us together. If you could skim through other question it may help. I really thought I had it all together, everything under control but I didnt I am attending counseling but its only once a week. :/ Please Help me, What do you think?
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female
reader, kbdd +, writes (16 November 2010):
kbdd is verified as being by the original poster of the question your right, im just so worried about him i know i hurt him. But im hearing he looks to be okay. He doesnt hold stuff though so i guess time will tell.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Ok well its good that you are going to get help with your issues that is the first step good for you. Ok as for your ex you have wrote to him now and you have apologised for your behavior, the first part of your piece to him wont make sence to anyone on this because you dont give any background on what happened. Anyway taking this aside you've apologised to him now so the ball is in his court, dont contact him any further, no matter how much you want to dont, you both need some space, and am sure he will contact you if he wants to and if he doesnt then am afraid you just need to accept that it is over and move on.
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