A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:MOD NOTE: There are no "experts" just nice people that volunteer their thoughts and help.I have a question I would rather discuss privately. I have received two very nasty emails from people I once knew. I have sought solicitors advice and I'm satisfied with what the solicitor has told me. Emotionally it has affected me very badly though. Friends have advised I just forget it all and get on with my life, but it's easier said than done. If there are any experts on this situation I would like to discuss this further and hear your opinions of how i should cope with this. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2018): First of all, block them from all your personal communication, phones, emails, FB, and then you don't have to absorb their nasty words. I suspect there are implications in some way to you personally, with what they have already said. Do they have you over a barrel? have they tarnished your character? are they threatening you? or are they saying things to effect your self esteem and put you down? I am no expert especially when I can only guess the theme, however I am an expert in been at the receiving end of people's vile natures. There is not much I haven't had thrown at me and even sometimes the cold truth. The effects could have damaged my self esteem no end, infact ruined me over and over again, could have made me attempt suicide, could have finished me. There is something inside of all of us called 'spirit' and this gives you inner strength to stand tall through all the trash that the world throws at you. The key is not to BELIEVE words that spew out of snakey mouths, what we believe about ourselves is paramount to a healthy happy life. Never give people reason to blacken your character, always be truthful and act with integrity, be afraid of no one. Don't be afraid of ego frailty, don't be afraid of what others think about you, it's what you think about you, that counts. Any cold truth has to be delivered in a caring tactful manner, so anyone who dishes hard truths are doing it on purpose to hurt you. Only you can hurt yourself really. I may be totally off the mark, but solicitors involvement suggests Liable, defamation of character etc.Surround yourself with genuine people and believe your own words, don't let words break your spirit, even if they are true, who's perfect? I will give you some positive words.No one is perfectWe all get things wrongWe are all learning in this worldYou will always have negative peoplePlease choose to be happy and make sure you have a happy Christmas time, do something different with different people. Be a free spirit......never hang on to bad words.BELIEVE is such a powerful word, believe the good in you! Merry Christmas
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (3 December 2018):
Here’s the thing: if someone has set out to hurt you, reacting will only show them that they’ve succeeded. They’ll probably be delighted. Your friends are right. The right thing to do is often not the easy one. If it’s just nasty messages and you haven’t been in any way threatened, don’t give the cowards the satisfaction of any kind of response. Believe me, that’s what they’re waiting for.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 November 2018):
 Not an expert at all, but I can give you my two cents.
You know the saying or rhyme:
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never break me."
Words can be hurtful. THAT is why the people who sent you those e-mails wrote them. They wanted to hurt you. So what to do about it?
I would ask myself this:
Is there any truth in what they wrote?
If not, then how does it really pertain to you?
Example, they called you a thief who stole from the church's collection box..
You never took anything. You never stole from the collection box. Which means, it's a LIE. And it really has nothing to do with you, but whom ever accused you. They OBVIOUSLY have issues and think lashing out at people will make them feel better. But it won't. Not long term. Calling you a thief (example) because they HOPE you will feel HURT by that, or FEEL a need to defend yourself, - its like THEM peeing their own pants in winter to keep warm. It might work for all off 30 seconds, after that... all bitterness and regret.
If what is said IS NOT true. Then the BEST thing you can do is NOT "drink" the poison, but accept that the person have issues, BLOCK them from contacting you (that means BLOCK their e-mail address - or make it go straight to the trash, because it IS trash). Dust yourself off and keep living your life.
Not everyone will like you, OP.
Not everyone is mentally stable and healthy.
Not everyone consider their OWN actions, or think before
they speak or do something.
Lastly, OP
YOU CAN NOT control what other people say, feel, think or do. The ONLY think you can control is HOW you react.
I get that it might be easy to lash out at them in return or defend yourself.
BUT that also means you get in the "gutter" with that person. You STOOP to their level. You VALIDATE their words.
And if there was ANY truth to what she said, how do you feel about being called out like that? Is that something YOU perhaps needs to mull over or accept?
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