A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I just got out of a 2 year relationship. My ex and I spent some time in limbo, but then she decided that and space was necessary, so was did not speak for over 20 days. After the 20 day mark, I finally contacted my ex and asked her what was up, because things were left in an awkward manner, and I wanted to know what our status was. My ex wrote me back and told me that our needs had changed, she was still very much in love with me, but we should probably start seeing other people, and that she wasn't ready to have a friendship, but was hoping for one in the future. Suffice to say we ended up having a pretty emotional conversation after that, in which we ended it with thee old, "I love you, and Goodbye."My ex is not one of those types who mingles in the 'gray' area, she is pretty black and white. When we had our last conversation, I pretty much thought that was it, and I was in preparation for no contact. However, that hasn't been the case..now we've been communicating through email. It's been about 'business' (we lived together for a little while, and we've talked about what's happening with my stuff) but it's also been very casual, talking about day to day things, and things that remind of of one another...very friendly and the emails are frequent as well.So I guess my question is, what's going on with my ex? If she wanted to close doors and not be friends for awhile, why is she acting like this? It's sort of giving me the impression that she wants to get back with me, but she hasn't flat out said it.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (31 January 2007):
 It sounds to me as if she'd been having second thoughts about your relationship and was thinking of ending things with you. You obviously both seem to get "along" but she wants more! Maybe she feels she's stuck in a rut or that the relationship has become stagnant.
I suggest you meet with her for a coffee and talk to her about her feelings. YOU seem to know what you want (you want her right?) but she seems the one unsure here. If, when you talk, she still wants space to sort her head out then give it to her but tell her NOT to contact you in any form and it will only cloud things for her. You could even suggest meeting up again a month from now, same cafe and she can tell you what she's decided (and of course what you have decided after having the space away from her.)
I wish you both well however it turns out.
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007): It's very hard to move on from a relationship. Especially in your case where it seems you are both very mature people. She is either having second thoughts or ready to have a friendship already. Just keep talking to her casually as long as it doesn't hurt you. While your doing that keep enjoying the single life and make sure you have all options open. She could be trying to keep you from moving on if shes insecure about her future relationship abilities. By keeping you around she is securing her relation status. Make sure to be clear whether the option is open or closed if the topic happens to arise. Keep us updated and good luck.
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