A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A year or so ago, i had some problems with a teacher (lets call him Mr H). Essentially he behaved very innappropriately with me, touching and other worse things. This teacher was married and in his mid forties.There is one thing about it that confuses me; which is how the colleague of this teacher behaved, (lets call him Mr K) he was in his mid-fifties. Because of a lack of numbers there was a possiblity of the course not being run the following year. At the beginning of the lesson, when referring to my other teacher (Mr H), Mr K said this -"Strangely he only mentioned you (my name), i dont know why that was. i wont ask. infact i think the less said about it the better"At the end of the lesson i went to him to discuss what was going to happen about the course, he was explainijng to me what teachers i should appeal to if i wanted it to continue, i said 'I have already spoken to Mr H' and he replied'It doesnt matter HOW MUCH mr H wants to teach you next year, he doesnt get a say'.For weeks following that every day Mr K would come up to me in the corridor and say 'He mentioned you today' referring to Mr H. A while after this i had some problems with Mr H who had explained to me that if i did not 'help him' he would not 'help me' and suggested 'extra special treatment'. i refused and a week later i found my grade had been lowered (which he later admitted). i went to Mr k, to talk to him about it. When i quoted what Mr H had said, 'are you asking for exxxtra special treatment?' he laughed, i asked him why and he replied,"Im sorry i've never heard anythijng like it in my office before." He guessed about the grade that it had been for revenge. He asked me whether i had done anything to lead him to believe i was interested. He then said to me that,"He is always mentioning you" and"You have a big effect on him""You make him nervous". He was shocked when i told him mr H had touched my breast. Unfortunately the teacher in question (Mr H) was outside Mr K's office and so came in and Mr K decided to have a word with him so i had to leave. All i heard when i was passing the office was Mr H say 'It wasnt like that'. Mr K wouldnt tell me anythijng afterwards.I found out later on (a year later after reporting everything to police) that Mr K did infact report this. (the school didnt deal with it). I am confused about Mr K, because he himself used to flirt with me quite a bit and i got mixed messages from him over the period. I am also curious whether anyone has any idea what he discussed with Mr H in that 40 minutes they were in his office.Any suggestions be appreciated thanks x
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flirt, mixed messages, period, revenge Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont intentionally flirt with older men particularly. I have no idea why whoever approved this has given it the title they have.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 November 2009):
What they discussed is probably this:
Mr K: What the hell are you doing???
Mr H: Whine whine, it's not like that, my wife doesn't understand me, [insert excuses for touching up a student here]
Mr K: Teenage girls may fall for that shit but I won't.
Mr K clearly could see how this wasn't one sided and wanted to make you see that your behaviour wasn't perfect either.
However, he did his bit and reported it. The fact that nothing happened at that stage isn't his fault.
I wonder why you are thinking so much about Mr K. It's fine being into older men and flirting is a bit of a laugh, but as you have discovered, it can ruin people's lives, so I would just put the whole thing behind you and move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, shikiraclare +, writes (29 November 2009):
It's fantastic that you reported him and the appalling behaviors that people in positions of power like to abuse and this shows just how courageous you really are. Other girls may not have had the same confidence' support or self esteem when abuse like this can damage a person right from the start and all throughout adulthood.At least now you are able to move on with your life and make something positive out of it and not allow this heinous man to further control your thoughts and essentially ruin your life even though you will never forget what happened. It's really bad how the school has dealt with this criminal and the general inappropriate behaviors these male teachers seem to get away with what they think they can, but sooner or later; they come unstuck and they have no where to run when their abuse of power reveals itself.Because of your experiences of being abused; you are not going to be able to make any clear distinction as to whether Mr K was being friendly or inappropriate, but from what I have read; it seems to me that he acted very inappropriate by trying to place blame on you by asking if you had done anything to make Mr H make sexual advances towards you and telling you that you have some affect on him. This in my opinion, makes him just as disgusting as Mr H and should never have tried to make light about the abuse as if it is okay to treat it like it's some joke.I don't think you should waste any time trying to find closure by exploring what discussions had gone on between them when it isn't going to provide anything more than dragged-up pain for you and isn't going to change anything that has already happened to you. It's hard to move on from sexual abuse and the untold damage it causes; but you can make a good start and not allowing your memories to control your future in the here and now and not give these people the power to disturb your thoughts.
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