A
female
age
36-40,
*enna87
writes:hi again! i recently posted about me and my boyfriend,we have been together for almost a year, but we split up for a month at one point and 2 weeks not that long ago. when we broke up the first time, something happened with him and another girl, i found out and it killed me. but we got through that. before we split up the second time, id been spending time around an old friend id not see for a while. im not sure if my boyfriend was ok with this or not, but we split up as he said it wasnt working and i was too fed up to argue. i then spent most of my free time with this friend of mine. we kinda started dating and did a lot of texting.i dont really know what was going on between us, as we liked the way things were but didnt seem to want it to progress to anything.then me and my boyfriend got back together and me and my friend havent really spoken since. as far as i know theres no hard feelings. but the thing i find strange is, my boyfriend never really met this friend and doesnt, to my knowledge, know him. but i was messing round with the games on his phone last night while he was asleep, and i dont know why, but i just felt the urge to nose through his phone book. i wasnt looking for anything, i dont know why i did it, but i found a number, stored as 'D' in his phone and i just glanced at the number, i instantly recognised it, it was the number of the guy id been dating for that forth night. my boyfriend doesnt know about me dating this guy, as i know it would crush him as much as iwas when he slept with some one, only i didnt sleep with this guy.and we are having problems as it is so i dont think it would help too much for him to know.but i really dont get why this guys number was in his phone, i cant confront him about it as i shouldnt of been nosing through his phone book, and itll open a can of worms- a lot more than its worth for curiosity.any one have any ideas at all? thanks x
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broke up, crush, got back together, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): Well I don't think it is much a problem. At the core of the problem, you guys weren't together at the time, he can't say who you can or can't sleep with.
Secondly you don't have to prove anything or suffer through any mind games. You know you did not sleep with him, and if your bf does not trust you then that is his problem. And that is all you need to tell him. Who would he trust more? Some strange woman's txts or you? Looks suspicious? What is so suspicious about a woman acting crazy/jealous?
In any case it just looks like you are worried more than you should be, I don't even see a problem even if you did sleep with the guy. It just sounds like you are being picked on a lot by yur bf and you just have to find the strength to stand up for yourself.
A
female
reader, jenna87 +, writes (7 July 2009):
jenna87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice guys,
iv got a bit more of a problem now though.this guy i was kinda seeing, he had got back in touch with his ex, about the same time i got back together with my b/f. i only found out last night, as she text me saying if your seeing him- iv been sleeping with him for weeks,
this didnt bother me as much , but she also text saying that me and this guy were lseeping together and she had read his texts proving that we had been- though we didnt sleep together?!
unfortunatly , my boyfriend was the one who first read the text saying 'if your seeing him iv been sleeping with him for weeks'.
at first we didnt know who it was, an obviously texts were exchanged and i found out who it was. she says she read his texts and she was most certain me and him had been sleeping together....
my boyfriend knows i spent time with this guy when we were split up , but after those texts i dont think he belives that we didnt sleep together...
i dont quite know what to do ...also if she got the impression of us sleeping together from his texts, and they are still on his phone, with my boyfriend having his number, do you agree there is a good chance of my boyfriend seeing these same messages?!
im really stuck with this one, i dont know what to do ...
i know my boyfriend is running it through his head ...but i dont know what he is thinking .
we've had a few problems through me not being the best most reliable girlfriend, but i have never cheated on him or even thought of it , though i have gotten myself in to some guilty looking situations.....and we have managed to pull through that , but im not sure if this will be the straw to break the camels back ?!
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A
male
reader, Wreck  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 Yeah it might ruin your relationship if he found out .. but if I where your boy freind I would like to know if you did date any other guys... just to feel confident that my girl is faithful and tells me the truth.. if you do tell him that you saw another guy he will eventually get over it he will get pissed but he will get over it if he really likes you he will stay with you and brush it off his shoulders.
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A
female
reader, jenna87 +, writes (24 June 2009):
jenna87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi guys thanks for you answers, very helpful!
i was just hoping that it was a friend of a friend situatiuon, as i know if he found out about the otehr guy it would crush him! but im not too sure if the other guy would of said anything to him ,
but in reply to one of your questions,
no lol his name doesnt start with a d . that was the most confusing part!xx
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male
reader, Wreck +, writes (21 June 2009):
he probably just saved the number randomly after seeing it on your phone. ive done it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I don't have any ideas as to why the number is on his phone, except maybe he nosed at your phone and got the number because he wanted to know who it was.
But I think it's a safe thing to ask your friend. He may know why in the world he would have his number.
Does his name start with a "D"?
~SY.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): Dear first of all we all get curious at some point and we dig through each other's personal business. At the same time, you are correct that this will open up "a can of worms"...not many guys can handle hearing about "another guy" after hooking back up with their girl again. Besides you have no need to tell him about the other guy...you don't "owe" it to your current bf since you weren't together with him at the time.
As my friends and I say, this world is conveniently small. I think it could just be a coincidence or well it could be a friend of a friend sort of deal. We can offer you ideas but any ideas we give you...will that really help you? What do you gain by hearing ideas and not the truth? I don't think it will.
Well good luck with your relationship. All the best
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