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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there. I'm am a 20 year old female. I met a my boyfriend about 3 months ago. We hit it off and became friends. However, we also kissed and such which eventually led to the loss of my virginity. He recently (about two weeks ago) asked me to be his girlfriend. I happily agreed, however for the past few days he's been kind of a jerk. He has been very moody and doesn't seem happy to see me...and less affectionate than he used to be. Does he regret asking me out? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2005): Let me start by saying...there could any number of reasons why he is suddenly behaving this way. You are both in the early delicate stages of your relationship and you both need more time to trust & respect each other in order build a close bond. Honesty is crucial. You do owe it to yourself to open the lines of communications and just ask him in a mature, calm manner what's bothering him.
This beginning stage is the "testing & building phase" and it's all probably making you feel a little anxious and uncertain. It's natural that you would feel some ambivalence. It's also natural (and healthy) to want to avoid feeling rejected. So stay calm...stay happy and keep smiling. Don't allow negative to thoughts wear you down. You may just find out..his moodiness and unaffection could be the result of family problems or something, totally unrelated to you and your relationship with him. I would suggest you give him some breathing space for a few days-give him an opportunity to think through what is bothering him.
One word of caution: When you do talk to him..don't just take everything he says to you at face value. If he comes up with some lame, ridiculous reason for why he's doing this, then call him out & say something. Don't set a precedent that you're a pushover. Be strong and let him know you're not a fool, and that you have a mind of your own. You will gain his respect..while instilling more self-value in yourself. It's then you can decide if you can get past this or...just send him packing. He might be more heartache than he's worth..if he lies and comes up with lame excuses.
In the meantime, grab your galpals...go to a movie, go shopping,do lunch but put this out of your mind. Be strong...hang in there, Dear.
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, laura 007 +, writes (17 August 2005):
Well you obviously like him but i hate to break it to you but guys have this phase every so often where they are complete jerks,lets call it the men's pmt!the only way to find your answer is to clearly ask him, ask him what's wrong!greet him when he comes in from a hard days work(yea right)with a cold beer,his favourite meal and settle down for a night of honest and open talking tell him how you feel and by the end you will feel so much closer to one another those worries of regrets will fade away.
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A
female
reader, lulu +, writes (17 August 2005):
the only way to get to know is by asking him. nobody should be in a relationship that they dont want to be in. its the only way that you will know where you stand.
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A
female
reader, Solie +, writes (17 August 2005):
The only way you can possibly find out what is wrong is to ask him. Communication is the biggest key to a successful relationship and unless you talk, you won't know what is wrong with him. Unfortunately men aren't generally great communicators, especially about feelings so be careful how you ask him, don't make it seem like an attack because he will only become more withdrawn and moody. Just casually mention that you have noticed he has been a bit quiet recently and ask if everything is ok and if there is anything you can do to help. You will probably find the reason for his mood is nothing to do with you at all and he will appreciate your concern for him. Remember to approach this carefully and casually, you don't want to make him feel cornered and become more withdrawn.
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