A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi. please dont think im shallow or anything, im really not! would like some advice.i met a girl on sunday night. i was drunk, thought she was really good looking. i pulled her and got her number. we've been texting all day yesterday and today. ive asked her when she is out next, hinting to meet up. anyway, she seems really in to me. i asked if she was on facebook so i could add her as a friend. she said she was and gave me her last name and described her profile pic so i could find her. i had a look and found her and she is not as good looking as i thought that night (i really dont mean to sound horrible). i dont know what to do now. it might just be an unflattering, but i cant look at her profile to see other pictures of her. i dont know what to do because she is going to add me as a friend and she is gonna text. i dont want to just not add her because it will probably hurt her feelings and wreck her confidence if i did that cos she will know ive seen her picture and thought that shes not too hot. but at the same time i dont want to add her and string her along more than i already might have. also, if i dont add her, there is the slight chance that it was a bad photo and she might be hot.i know this sounds so shallow, but realistically loads of people have probably been in the same situation and probably just bombed the other person out. what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): Hot or not, she is far better off if you don't add her or text her anymore.
Yeah, she might be a little hurt that you changed your mind, but there are plenty of guys out there who will think she's gorgeous as she is, and she deserves to be with one of them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): why are most people answering this question so harshly.
in my opinion, looks arent the most import thing but i can see the guys point. he is only being honest!!!
People far to often are so quick to take the moral high ground and attack people. he may seem a little shallow but realistically everyone is the same. if u see someone and find them to be unattractive, ur not gonna think im gonna take her/him out cos he might have one awesome personality.
same as if u meet someone after having a little bit to drink and u end up kissing etc, but when u see them sober u think u dont actually fancy them, u wouldnt call them.
i think too many people who answer questions on sites like these think that their ideals are and should be everyone elses ideals. also the people who say that looks arent important at all are either lying or kidding themselves. theres gotta be some kind of attraction. some people go for looks, some status, some power, some sense of humour. this guy goes for looks first, get off his back!
in my opinion i think you should let her down gently, which may involve a little white lie or summin. u could say uv just come out of a long relationship and dont think ur ready for anything.lol. thats a good one! good luck. and dont let these wonderfull people with their expert, moral insight get u down.lol x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): My god
I think you should tell yer you are not interested because you are as shallow as a half filled saucer of milk! may as well be honest with the girl lol
Tou will be doing her a huge favour by not inflicting your sorry ass on her.
Oh and ill bet that when her 'beer goggles' are off and she meets you she is in for some MEGA dissapointment.
Stuff like this is soooo funny, keep up the good work!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): HOLY CRAP! Just take a risk! If there are good photos and not so good...chances are she is somewhere in between!!! What do you have to lose?
Not everyone is photogenic! I for one think I look better in person than in pix.
It's good that you don't want to hurt her feelings, but you're looking at this all as black and white...there is grey area here, and you just might be missing an opportunity to find a really good friend! I agree there has to be some sort of physical attraction, but beauty???? Beautiful is a strong word! It can mean a lot of things besides appearence.
You are coming off as a shallow person (your words not mine) because you are thinking like a shallow person.
The fact that you don't want to hurt her, shows that you are not completely shallow.
Your preference in woman is your business, and you will have to make the final decision. But stop and ask yourself are all pictures of you "hot?"
I still say take a risk, get to know her and if she is a complete turn off just ...then do something about it!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): steve ..................
most people would not give a damn about hurting someones feelings. the fact that i really dont want to upset her, in my opinion, warrants me impartial advice and not have some guy up on his high horse giving it the high and mighty.
i didnt ask for advice in moral virtuosity thank you. i appreciate any advice, but ur reply had no real advice to what i asked at all. i want2 know wots best to do to not hurt her feelings. fair enough i do want2 leave sum sort of door open incase it was a bad 4oto, but atleast im being honest. im only human.
"Drink less and save her the pain of having to find out what sort of guy you really are..." you have no idea what kind of guy i am. my lifes work is dedicated to helping people less fortunate and i spend my holidays in the 3rd world.
so im a sucker for a pretty face and i prefer to have relationships with beautifull women.lol. is that a terrible thing.
the way u say, it had to be said no offence- steve at the end makes my blood boil.
anyway she added me, and in her othe pictures she looks really nice. but there are a few bad ones 2. wot to do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Dude, you cant be wishy washy. What makes you really sound like a douche is the part where you say "if i dont add her, there is the slight chance that it was a bad photo and she might be hot.". So, I think you should just get away from her and don't add her. Or, add her and check her out. If you don't like it then just talk to her less and less and then when the time is right drop her from your friends list. Also, don't be a dumbass and get girls numbers while looking through beer goggles anymore, LOL.
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A
female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (8 April 2009):
 I have to say I agree with Steve... but looking at things from your side...
Your right, it might just have been a bad picture, some people never look good in pictures at all but look great in real life.
I'd give her a chance if I was you. Do you like her personality so far? Maybe meet up with her again, see how you feel then.
Yeah it may be shallow going after someone just because they're good looking but there's no point going after someone if they have a great personality, if you don't even feel physically attracted to them. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so even if you do think that she's not 'hot', someone else may think that she's the most beautiful girl in the world.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Yes i agree with you that we hav all probably been in that position at 1 stage. Most people just dont admit it. U had your beer goggles on. Anyway if u dont wana lead her on just play it casual. Mayb tel her that u just want to be frends that u dont wana rush into anything. Goodluck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Wow you only go out with hot girls who are photogenic? That is shallow.
Who gives a poop if you add her as a friend or not, she didn't add you so don't worry about it.
Do her a favor and don't call or text her any more. If you are not Into her as a person and let your attraction build from there then she doesn't need a shallow drunken asshole like you in her life.
Oviously if you are going to bars to meet women, you aren't looking for anything but sex any way....so yeah, why don't you just go on line and pay the fee and pick out the hot girls like you do in a supermarket, oh yeah, that might actually cost you some money to spend on the girls to check them out....guys like you give men a bad name.
So yeah you got what you expected, you are shallow.
So what kind of advice were you looking for? How not to be a shallow jerk?
Do what most guys do, don't call her.
Adios
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