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male
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anonymous
writes: I really need your help.I have been dating this boy for the past two months. He is the best person I have ever met. I love him so much and feel totally ashamed at what happened over the weekend in what was a drunken moment at at a party.I got drunk and kissed another boy. I immediately felt totally ashamed after it happened and left the party. As I left, the boy who I kissed came with me and I tried my best to shrug him off. I tried to flag down a taxi but it ignored me and I even hid behind a wall at a garage while he took a pee. I thought I had lost him and then bumped into him further down the street. He encouraged me to to ring for a taxi from his house which I did. I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did. After he gave me a drink we started kissing and I felt terrible.He then asked me to sleep with him. I said no but he assured me nothing would happen and we would just lie and cuddle.In a drunken moment I agreed and he assured me nothing would happen. We started kissing again and he took my T shirt off and I briefly started kissing his body. I then suddenyly realised what I was doing and burst into tears, telling him I could not do this to my boyfriend and then called a taxi and left. I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. I am deeply shocked this has happened and I don't know who to turn to for help. I am not someone that cheats on people, I am just a nice lad who gets carried away in the moment when drunk. I am a good person and have never done anything like this before. I totally regret my actions and cannot bear to tell my boyfriend. I know he would forgive me but I don't want to deal with issue with him. I dont want him to be thinking that I am a cheat. We have only been seeing each other for the past two months and I dont want his mind racing with bad thoughts. Should I tell him or just get on with my life and put this whole sorry mess behind me? I cannot tell you how much I love my boyfriend and how shocked I am about this. Please help. I am the nicest person on earth and so is my boyfriend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): i did the same thing and i do love my boyfriend i have spent todya watching him cry and i sat there crying wondering how i could ever hurt this person.
Things like this happen for a reason sometimes we ares till young and unsure and it takes a huge mistake to realise who and what we have in front of us.
I told me boyfriend because it is his right to choose wether he still loves me or not i pray he does
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): i definetly dont think you should tell him!! is it wort losing someone you love most likely he'll never find out unless U tell him!!and is it worth losing his trust i dont think it is!just dont do it again
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): Hey sweetie my Name is Jilian I have a boyfriend as well and we have been dating for 3 months, I have had past relationships that have gone on for 11 months, I have cheated on my past boyfriend andi felt so terrible andi was in the same situation as you are, sweetie i know how you feel. i cried for days on and my bf couldnt figure out was happening. Im not going to tell you what my decision was cuz hun you need to do what your heart is telling you to do use your gut instinct and even if you tell him and he is mad at least you did what felt right to you and if you don't tell him at lest you made the decision and not someone else. Use your own Insticnt what does your heart and your gut tell you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): Okay, well last weekend I did just about the same thing, except I have been dating my amazing boyfriend for almost two years now. I felt TERRIBLE, my stomach was in knots, I couldn't eat, and I had the worst hangover of my life. I went to a party with some firends while he was home sick, and I ended up kissing with some other guy, I was so drunk I didn't even realize what I was doing, infact I even imagined it was my boyfriend while I was kissing him. Anyways I felt terrible and left the party. The next morning I drove 30 minutes to his house just to be with him, I told him I hung out with other people but I chickened out before telling him the rest, I felt so guilty all day, I drove back over to his house later that night and told him the while thing. He was sad, I could tell, he said he loved me though and that he was glad I was honest, so your best bet is just to be honest and deal with the disappointment your guy is about to feel in you, it's the only way to have a healthy honest reletionship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): you should tell him the truth and tell him how sorry you are an that you were drunk, you need to try REALLY hard to build yours and his trust up again though because your actions have damaged his trust to you ask him if he is willing to try and make it up and if he is BRILLIANT! but if not, its his chp=oice and you should give him some time to cool off before you ask for him back again, if he still doesnt want to know, im sure you have learnt you lesson
good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): Let this be a life leasson learned, the hard way. Best to stay away from alcohol if you can't control your actions, dear. Depending on the type of guy your bf is and if it's been just two months, your bf could likely forgive you, if you tell him. But forgiving you, doesn't wipe the slate clean. He will remember this incident and you should make a HUGE effort to prove to him that you are trustworthy. You will be earning his trust back...so if he's important to you, don't mess up again and work hard at this relationship. Starting your relationship out honestly and openly about things is best and will tell him you have remorse, guilt and you learned from this incident. Now, the real issue is that before we worry about him forgiving your mistake, you need to learn how to forgive yourself. Someone else forgiving you isn't the same. You still have to live with you and feel good about yourself, which will in turn make your relationships with your bf, more stronger & better. So start with truly forgiving yourself, and then you'll be in a better position to accept your ex's decision, whatever it is. Take care and do the right thing. Take Care
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (25 October 2005):
 First of all, let me be very clear about one thing - you're kidding yourself when you say "I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did." If you really hadn't wanted anything to happen, you wouldn't have gone back to this guy's house. However drunk you were, it's no excuse - you did a bad thing, and it's no wonder you feel guilty. You need to take responsibility and accept that your actions were your own choice.
Having said that, I honestly don't think that what you did was unforgiveable. You shouldn't have messed with this other guy, but you've only been seeing your boyfriend for two months. The important thing as far as I can see is that despite intitially getting it wrong, you did ultimately do the right thing before things went too far, and you should be applauding yourself for that. Stop beating yourself up about what you did do, and start feeling good about what you didn't do. I think you should take a couple of valuable lessons from this experience. First, you've learned that you find it hard to control yourself when you're drunk, so in future you can be aware of this and watch yourself carefully. Secondly, you've learned that this relatively new relationship is one that means a lot to you, and that ultimately you don't want to risk the relationship for the sake of a physical adventure. This is a good thing to know - in future, if temptation arises, you'll be able to remember how bad you felt this time and you can make the right decision.
Only you can decide whether you need to tell your boyfriend what happened, but I would suggest you might let it slide this one time, as long as you make sure you have learned the lessons above and can be confident that you won't make the same mistake again.
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A
male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (25 October 2005):
Well the first thing to have in mind is that you only need to feel guilty if you intentionally set out to do harm to another human being. Even Buddha would tell you that you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Secondly, we all know that becoming drunk makes us lose our inhibitions, and we actually start to feel, be it anger or horniess, instead of think. Feeling instead of thinking is a good thing.
You should want to tell your boyfriend. Remember, that just like you he could be prone to a drunken flow of expression.
It is society that has made us feel that free expression is unexceptable. Without the conditioning of society we could all be living in a much more open world and, their would be a whole lot more love and acceptance around.
Why should it be acceptable to only exchange intimacy with one person? Why do we limit the ways in which we can make connections with others? Why do we continue to live in society imposed boxes?
It may seem that I have come a long way from your intial, I kissed another confession, but what it is all about is you creating rules to live your life, that only you have set. Good luck.
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (25 October 2005):
Look, you were drunk, if you tell him he will probably dump you, even though it would be the honest thing to do i dont think in this case its the best thing to do. Keep it to yourself, chances are he wont find out. Just dont do it again, if you do, you will lose him!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): If you loved your boyfriend you would of been able to control yourself,and stayed true to him,You should tell him
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