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female
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anonymous
writes: hi, i would really appreciate knowing what u think about my problem as it driving me insain and it's wrecking my life, i went to a party with my bf at new year at a friends house and there was a few members of her family there including her parents, we were all drunk but i was the worst, i got in such a state that i cant remember anything, my bf told me the next day that i had been sick in the bathroom at my friends house so her dad offered to come in a clean it up, he was in the bathroom with me for a while so bf pushed the door open which he struggled to do he said it felt like someone was standing behind the door. when he got in he said i was sat on the toilet and my top was open and my arm out of my bra, my friends dad then disappeared for a while and has since told people he was kissing me and feeling my breasts, the thought of this makes me feel sick and i'm frightened that more happened than what he said. I was told that if something sexual happens and a women isn't in a state to know what she's doing then it's supposingly sexual assault. Is this right or am i just looking for someone else to blame?????????please help
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (17 March 2006):
 What a dirty old man he is, yes he appears to have assaulted you and that is unforgivable.
Why is he telling people what he did and why does his wife and your friend not sort the dirty swine out, if he was my husband I would certainly deal with him and it would not be in a supportive manner.
what does your friend make of all of this, does she believe you or her dad.
You got drunk well dont we all, and I too have got into a state like you on many occassions and have lost "time" we all do it and we all regret it and no one can turn the clock back but we can face up to it and deal with it and this is what you need to do.
Very unlikely that he did anything more than feel your breasts so dont worry that he did more to you, what he did was violated you and took advantage of you when you could not fight him off.
You can report this to the police but my guess is that you wont, what you need to do is go see him and tell him that you are thinking of reporting him and that if he continues to tell people what he did to you, you will tell the police and you will tell everyone the truth of the matter, you were out of the game and so what he did was not consentual and was assault, see what his friends would think then.
If you cannot confront him then maybe your boyfriend could as he really does need to stop telling people what he did to you, this is just not on.
You may need to talk to a proffessional to get over this assault fully, only time and support will heal the pain and humiliation this dirty old swine has caused you.
You are not in any way to blame so get those thoughts right out of your head.
A
female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (17 March 2006):
 it was sexual assault. maybe you shouldnt of got so drunk but doesnt pass the blame of to you. just becuase you were out of it doesnt give your friend father a reason to assault. what he did was wrong, worse of all you don't realise it was wrong. what he did was wrong and you shouldn't blame yourself, he was the one in the wrong not you. so yes you should blame him.
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