A
female
age
36-40,
*andomgirl
writes:Hi, I'm 21 years old and I've been sort of seeing a guy for about a month and a half now and it's been going extremely slowly. We go on walks or study dates and most of the time we kiss at the end. I'm a very confident person, but around this guy I am shy, and things like kissing are always initiated by him. Anyway, about a year ago I had an eptopic pregnancy and a miscarriage with a guy who was awful to me. The other night, things finally developed with this new guy and we began to go further when I was round at his. But I was a little distracted and not certain I was comfortable with it at first, and so he kept asking what was wrong which made it so much worse and then I dried up completely. He said it was weird and asked me why it happened and I couldn't answer him. Now he says he doesn't think he wants to do it again because it was odd. I've since told him that I had stuff on my mind that was puting me off that night, but he doesn't know about the miscarriage. What can I do to make him give me another chance?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): Just reassure him that you do want him and you want him sexually too but just ask him to be a little patient. You need to specifically let him know that it wasn't anything he did wrong, that it isn't due to alack of desire and you were just simply very nervous.
That's all you can do. I have a feeling that he is reluctant to do it again because he doubts your desire, so just reassure him that you do desire him. OP acting shy and stuff can be misconstrued as being a cold fish. You never initiate anything, everything is going so slowly and then when it came to being intimate you froze. Honestly how is he supposed to think you want him when you're really not showing that you do. It's time you started initiating a kiss every now and again, it's time you started showing him how much you like him by stealing hugs, stealing kisses and things. Because at the moment it seems you're not really that bothered.
A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 I'm sorry but if he actually cared for you and wasn't just after sex then he would be more understanding and understand not be cold and rude.
He has shown his true colors he only wanted sex from you that's all
There is no reason at all for you to have to give details you gave him the reason that is enough. If you want to try again he will only hurt you
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A
female
reader, Thisiscrazy +, writes (23 April 2012):
Be completley honest with him if you really want to push for another try...
But if he really respected you he would be the way he is acting and would be more patient and understanding when you told him you had things on your mind.
It's really no of his business what actually was on your mind the details shouldn't be needed .
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Aaargh ! The way I am, I would never give him a second chance, I'd give him a kick in his ass. A person is not a restaurant or a commercial establishement, " satisfaction or your money back " , if you are not happy with the service the first time, then you stop immediately patronizing the place.
Someone who cares even a bit would respect your times, would understand if you aren't comfortable with or ready for intimacy yet, and would accept as a gentleman that you may actually have had things in your mind to spoil the fun. The appropriate reaction would have been asking you what actions can he do to make you more at ease, not sulking because " it was weird ". That's kick-worthy in my book.
But, I admit that perhaps I am not the sweetest ,most compliant person in the word, so well, let's say you give him a second try. You don't need to tell him in details about the pregnancy and what not, if you don't feel comfortable doing it. You can just tell him that past experiences have made you a bit wary and uncomfortable in sexual matters, and you need someone who is PATIENT, caring and supportive if you aren't immediately vavava-voom. If he can be that person, great- otherwise, he can go take a hike.
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