A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently bravely declared my feelings to a colleague *R whom has recently left the supermarket Morrisons company a week ago to train for a new working from home job. Me and R shared banter and bonded well.I told him one to one privately how I felt, and he said it took bravery to tell him the truth. He said it would be a bit risky for us to court each other if he ended up coming back to Morrisons but not frowned upon as there are couples there. He also acknowledged that we both have challenges to overcome in our lives, and I asked if he has face-book in which he said yes you can add me, I told him you don't have my number and he said leave it with me.He still hasn't accepted my request even though he has a list of people awaiting his friend acceptance.I have just messaged him apologising for if i made him uncomfortable in any way and thanked him for being a good influence.We both have kept this to ourselves and not told anyone else.I really really like R and don't know how else to move forward.Thank-you xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2021): Sorry but sounds like hes not interested. If he was he would call you or message you. Leave it now and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2021): There's always the response to any suggestion or advice not to date co-workers; that others are doing it. That doesn't make it right or responsible. Unless you own the business and write all the paychecks!
It's when these little hookups and on-the-job romances go sour that causes problems. When there is the possibility of abuse or sexual assault. Then it becomes a liability to the employer, and could start an upheaval and serious disruption at the workplace. Sometimes the company's reputation and public-relations won't survive the scandal.
Fishing in a barrel might be easier; but open-waters offer more selection in a more natural environment. If you should catch a bad fish on the weekend, and you have to throw it back; you won't have to face it on Monday! Catch my drift?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2021): Confessing romantic feelings towards people doesn't mean they'll reciprocate those feelings. If you catch someone off guard with such an announcement, you are placing them on the spot. They are forced to make a decision to either hurt your feelings, or spare them. Unlike in the movies, or a soap opera episode; when everyone falls into each other's arms with true-confessions of love.
Here's something women need to learn, I would believe more than men do. Men are more used to being shot-down and rejected by women. In most cultures, men make the first-move or initiate flirtations in romantic pursuit. We develop a certain amount of "insensitivity" or tolerance to rejection; or pride will make us pretend it didn't embarrass us, or hurt our feelings. At worse, we leave with our tail between out legs. Of course, that's not always the case, some get pretty nasty.
The wrong reaction to save face is to accuse someone of leading them on, or being a tease. Displaying very juvenile and obstinate behavior. They may even persist in their pursuit, rationalizing her rejection to mean she's playing hard to get. Until he gets a tongue-lashing, slap, or foot in the sack!
On the other hand, women might take it harder emotionally. They often take rejection to mean they aren't attractive enough, or there's something wrong with them. It becomes deeply personal; or an assault on their self-esteem.
Blurting-out your feelings is a risk, and you had better be psychologically prepared for the response and reaction. You should be equally ready to accept "no," as you are hopeful to receive a "yes." No hard-feelings! Then move on.
Rejection is not always as straightforward as you delivered your feelings. There comes a quiet period of awkwardness.
You got-on at work, and you wanted the connection to be the makings of a romantic-connection with the gent. I would read his hesitation to mean that he's not into you in that way. No harm/no foul for telling him how you feel.
It would not be a good idea to press the issue with the intention to force him to tell you how he feels; I think it would save you face to just back-away and go in dignified silence. Expect to be friendzoned.
You don't want to be platonic-friends; so don't pretend to. Don't agonize in infatuation, or shameful lament. Being "fake" friends; while pining for his love. If he isn't making any effort to return and accept your confession as you've hoped; cut ties and move on. Preserve your pride and dignity. He is but a teardrop in an ocean of men! If not him, it will be somebody else!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 March 2021):
 I think you need to accept that he isn't interested. Ge was being super polite in turning you down with several avenues of him backing away.
1. "It would be a bit risky for us to court. "
2. "we both have challenges to overcome in our lives"
3. he avoided giving you his number.
Those are all POLITE ways to turn someone down so they don't lose face.
No more contacting or apologizing to him. OK?
You took a risk, he isn't into you to the same degree, so he let you down easy.
While you two had good banter and seemingly bonded well, he didn't see you as a romantic option. If he had, he would have given you his number, not several excuses as to WHY it can't happen.
Sorry, OP
Let him go, dust yourself off, and move on.
Next time I'd avoid trying to date coworkers. Even a former one.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 March 2021):
 I think you need to take the good out of this encounter and use it to move forward with your life. I believe people often come into our lives to serve a specific need. In your case, this man came into your life to support you for a short while and to help you see how you could overcome the "challenges" in your life. Perhaps you were sent to him for the same reason? Having "served his purpose", he is now likely to drop out of your life.
You have done all you can. The ball is now in his court. Given that he has come up with excuses not to take this any further, it doesn't look like there is any future for the two of you together.
Focus on the "challenges" you mention to grow as a person. When the time is right, someone new will come into your life.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 March 2021):
 I feel the relationship between the pair of you was just banter and bonding, and he saw it as nothing more.
He has left the company that you both worked for, this would have been his opportunity to take things up with you and declare his feelings also.
He has moved to start training for a working home from job, so in all honesty its a strong chance he would never be coming back anyway. Also supermarkets are not a 9-5 job, so even if he did would probably not cross your shift anyway.
I'm sorry OP, probably not the advice that come on here to recieve, but i think he was not that into you and was letting you down gently.
I would forget him now and move on.
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