A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my man for 7 years gonna get married well about 9 years ago i was abused for a sexually abused for a year he has always surported, me but now i have found that he watches porn when i go bed. it makes my skin crawl and he doesnt understand what it does to me i dont mind if we did it together but he does it snide. What should i say or do. HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): i was sexally abused when young. then i met this bloke who liked rough sex i done it with him a couple of times some times i would like it some times i would fill funny we split in the end.
thing is now im 8 mounths pregnent and im adicted to porn i watch it when my boyfreind is at work and i watch rough porn at the time it turns me on but after i fill sick. i like all the role play but then it makes me fill sick after.
i think another thing why i watch porn is becouse i cant cum with a bloke and i can only do it on my own but why do i have to watch the rough porn? has it anything to do with my past.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Hi, sorry to ear about what happenned to you but, I'm in the same boat right now, my girlfriend was abused when she was young and right now we have very very little or no sex so I have to do the same things. But it's not because we don't love you or we fantasyze about other woman it's just that we have to do something about it and for me I don't beleive in cheating so I'm doing this to get rid of the ''sexual frustration'' and you have to understand that man have different needs then woman... if he does it 3-4 times a day then it might be a problem but occationaly, I don't think it's really bad.
hope I helped you a bit...
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A
female
reader, ap  +, writes (8 September 2007):
Porn can be very upsetting and degrading to women. I've had a brother and many male friends and I've seen what they look at. He probably sees it as innocent and not affecting your relationship, he needs to know that you know and how you feel about it. It might not stop but atleast you have made your concerns known. You can decide how damaging it is. I found out recently that my boyfriend has seen a lot of porn and still views it. It's upsetting to me and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with it ultimately but I've told him about concerns atleast. It's all up to you and what you can tolerate and if he's a good person that's worth sticking around for.
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (3 September 2007):
 If he's not pushing you into sex, then don't worry about it. He at least waited until you were in bed to watch it, which means he respects you enough to wait. Guys have needs to, and if they're not being met, he's got his right to satisfy him in a way that doesn't involve cheating...DV1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): Sorry to hear of all the crap in the past. If your guy really loves you then he would understand the total pain and hurt you are going through when he looks at this porn. You do need to sit him down and explain exactly how you feel and let him know that you cannot go on with it. Tell him as it is. Good Luck.Take carexxx
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A
male
reader, cuninglingwist +, writes (3 September 2007):
You dident say wether you got raped, you say abused,even if you got raped its not your falt and not the end of the world you realy need to move on otherwise you will become mentally crippled!Amazingly girls that were underage that loved and encouraged there sexual experience, once found out were directed to court apointed shrinks who hammer into their heads they were abused!regardless whether she admitted she was the agressor! that she loved it that she could take it with no problem, the brain washing is so intense that it screws up there mind so they have to keep comming back to the shrink especially if the happy sex experiense NOW called(ABUSE)is now screwing up their relationship.This brain washing by religious inspired shrinks is all about $$$$$$ have you any idea how much an hour with a shrink cost!Hon, forget the abuse and the Shrinks, enjoy your sexuality that was bestowed on you by nature and you will be just fine! yes go watch the porn with your boyfriend you might even find out what he likes,or he might find out what you like,just be glad he,s not a dead in bed person.
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A
male
reader, cuninglingwist +, writes (3 September 2007):
You dident say wether you got raped, you say abused,even if you got raped its not your falt and not the end of the world you realy need to move on otherwise you will become mentally crippled!Amazingly girls that were underage that loved and encouraged there sexual experience, once found out were directed to court apointed shrinks who hammer into their heads they were abused!regardless whether she admitted she was the agressor! that she loved it that she could take it with no problem, the brain washing is so intense that it screws up there mind so they have to keep comming back to the shrink especially if the happy sex experiense NOW called(ABUSE)is now screwing up their relationship.This brain washing by religious inspired shrinks is all about $$$$$$ have you any idea how much an hour with a shrink cost!Hon, forget the abuse and the Shrinks, enjoy your sexuality that was bestowed on you by nature and you will be just fine!
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A
female
reader, BeckyBadger +, writes (3 September 2007):
 Hi Im becky, and sorry to hear what has happened to you,A good idea if you dont mind watching the porn with him, go to bed and wait for him to put the porn on, then get up and go to him calmly and sit by the side of him and ask him what he is up to, if he is jumpy the tell him not to worry and that you dont mind him watching it, but ask if you two watch it together. Then later on when you feel comfortable, and you feel that you need to tell him then just say how you feel about him watching it while you are asleep. If he cares, which I'm sure he does after all this time, then the two of you can both turn it into a more pleasing time for the both of you.But remeber if you cannot stand it due to your memories then please do not force your self to watch it, talk to him when the time is right for you.Hope I helped,Good luck, you have a lot of courage to pull through something like that.BeckyBadger x
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A
female
reader, sillzsarah +, writes (3 September 2007):
 hun i got abused iswell (sexualy) but you need to get over it ino its painfull but u will find if u ask a fraction of people if they watch porn they will say yes because its normal! its in the human nature....ino it isnt easy for u as uve gone through alot of pain but ceriously hun u need to leave and forget it heres a saying for u that might help you: "only people who have went through the same thing will understand the pain" think about it it might help ;-)as there are people out there including me that have went through the same thing as u and understand ur pain :-) hope i helped xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): If he understand what this means to you he will stop. It is not a MUST in life to indulge in this. Most men do occasionally but the level you can manage is your business and I really think it needs to be a modesty indulgence so that obsession and addiction to it is avoided. I really don't want to know a thing about it if my partner has a look-see. Don't want in on my radar or in my life. Don't want to even think about it. Too much of anything is bad news. For you though it is an incredibly sensitive issue and he should be very very careful about the feelings that it re-kindles in you. The pair of you should consider getting some pre-marital counselling about it. You must be very clear about this and, how it makes you feel and what you want to happen. Part of this must revolve around getting your fears under control and questioning the connections that you have in your mind between pornography and your own abuse. You need to know that he likes it because it is rude, that is all. I do think many women in the pornographic business are abused, either that or they must be a bit shallow (it is hardly a meaningful career). On the surface they appear to have given consent, which is what makes them different from you. Sometime they may not feel in a position to say no I suppose, which is another abuse situation to do with one person having power over another. I feel very strongly about this and see exactly why this is such as big issue for you. Try to sort it out and start by talking to him. It is the most important thing to communicate and know that your feelings are respected and listened to, especially as you are about to marry him. If he tries to make your feelings seem unreasonable or dismisses them you should think hard about your future. Good luck!
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