A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 26 and have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years. I love him a lot, but for the last couple of months I feel like I don't know if I want to be with him anymore but at the same time I can't imagine not being with him either. What should I do? We have had our share of problems since we started going out, mainly because he would always put his friends/social life before our relationship and would rarely keep his word regarding plans with me. Just before Christmas I decided I had had enough and was planning on ending things, but for some reason he started making a huge effort with me/our relationship (I didn't actually get to speak to him so I don't know what changed - maybe he sensed a change in me?) The thing is I'm not as happy as I should be with his new found effort. I don't really think about him as much as I used to, and when he invites me out I'd sometimes rather have a night in alone even if I've not seen him in a few days. I'm just so confused about why I feel like this. I have wished for a long time that he'd act like this but now he is I'm not as interested. I know I haven't felt the same since the day I 'snapped' (figuratively speaking) but should I just give it time to see if we can sort this out or do these feelings mean I should end things?
View related questions:
christmas Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): Three and a half years is a long time. You say from the beginning there were niggles in the relationship - now you have had enough, but the unknown is a bit scary. Of course he has sensed a change in you and is being the attentive boyfriend but this may not last. Step outside the situation - do you see yourself spending your life with him. If you are unsure, now is the time to consider moving on. Having to work at a relationship is all very well if you are tied together with a mortgage and kids, but you are free decide what you want in life.
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (8 February 2013):
 Yes it is most likely he sensed a change in you. He probably noticed you weren't as entusastic about things he may of noticed your reluctance to go out with him when your invited to and thought that he might not of been putting as much effort into the relationship as he could of done.
This of made him worry that he was going to lose you, and may of giving him the motivation to turn things around.
However sometimes the spark can die in relationships if for example someone doesn't put the effort in as he hasn't done, and sometimes once it is gone I do beleive it is too hard to get back, and the relationship becomes more a habit than an actual enjoyable thing.
However I think you should give him more time, choosing to end something is a huge step to take, you must stop yourself and think what life will be like without him, will you miss him and his certain habits after a few weeks or months? This new attitude might be a good thing, but you too must put the effort in, even if at this point in life you feel like theres not much of a point.
Give him abit of time and see if this new attitude starts to grab your attention again, maybe if things don't change have a convorstation with him about how you feel, and try and take this time to weigh about the pros and cons about being with him, and see if there is more pros over cons.
Only end this relationship if your sure in your heart you would be happier on your own, or maybe even if your not ready to end it completely see if maybe taking a break would bennifit you.
Good Luck x
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (8 February 2013):
I'd give it some time. My wife and I had a "near divorce experience" and ended up working things out. But she "snapped" as you put it. She wasn't sure if she'd ever feel the same for me but she stuck with it and things are a lot better now.
Make sure you let your guy know how much you appreciate how he's behaving lately. Give it a month or so and if you still feel the same then you should move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 February 2013):
 Deciding to end things is never easy. Especially with you and your boyfriend's long history.
Given your question, I don't think anyone can give you a concrete answer. So my short answer is to your question is: it depends and it is 100% up to you.
If I were you, I'd ask myself the following questions:
1) How long have I felt this way? A relationship such as yours goes through periods of love, disappointment/anger and normalcy. I sense you are panicking because he is now the man you've always wanted him to be, but you aren't responding as you think you have. That's probably because you have had one foot out the door and were already shutting down the feelings you had for him in preparation for your break up. Sadly, love can't be turned on and off like a switch... it takes effort and cultivation to feel the way you do about someone. You may consider giving yourself a little bit more time to get used to the new him and see if love reblooms...
2) With me not knowing the extent of the history of resentment during your relationship, it could be that with all that he has put your through that you simply cannot get back into him. Sometimes the pain of years of continual disappointment just sucks the love and life out of a relationship. Metaphorically speaking, if you kick a door long enough it is eventually going to fall of its hinges. This could be your case as well.
I would suggest that you take some time out and really think about the future. Even if the changes your boyfriend is showing are permanent, do you see a long-term future with him? Really sit and reflect and do some soul searching. There will be no guarantee that you are making the right decision.
Finally, your question that you've asked here can only be answered by one person: you.
Eddie
...............................
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (8 February 2013):
 HI
I definately think you should give it a little more time. In relastionships we often hit a stale phase, but he obviously cares very much for you, as he has picked up on your change towards him, and seems like his really trying to make things better. What harm can it do to give yourself a chance to fall in love all over again? instead of thinking about the why's or what if's think about the now's and the possitive attitude your partner is trying to do. You may just find that by giving him this chance you see why you fell in love with him in the first place.
Mandy x
...............................
|
