A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have lustful feelings (none other than that) for a male I've recently met. However I'm in a happy long term relationship. Well, I thought it was happy, do these feelings mean in unhappy or is it normal? I wouldn't do anything about it ever, but the feelings are still there regardless Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 February 2013):
 finding someone attractive and having lustful thoughts about them... is not an indication that your relationship is bad.
it's an indication that you are alive.
making plans to act on the lust is a different story....
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (8 February 2013):
 can i have my cake and eat it too. you have these thoughts because of infatuation. someone new, exciting, different. before you know it they will be same oh ,same oh.
be careful you don't mess up and ruin a good thing with the one you have. your in a happy relationship, but something new has wondered into your life. that newness will wear off too.what will you do when another comes into your life and gives you the same feelings? be careful to not mess up!!!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 February 2013):
 I don't think it means there's something wrong in your relationship to be attracted to someone -- or even fantasize about sleeping with them. Let's face it, the world is full of attractive people and just because you are in a committed relationship doesn't mean you can't be turned on, especially by someone new.
However, having said that, I think what really defines this attraction is what you do with it. It's one thing to enjoy a private fantasy but quite another to cultivate feelings for it. In that case, you are playing games and deceiving yourself. It will become a problem. It also means there may be something missing in your current relationship, usually passion and intimacy.
Given that you are here asking the question, I suspect that you are dealing with more of the latter rather than the former. It may be time to take stock of what is going on in your relationship and why this new flame has occupied so much of your thoughts.
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): I think lust is a very natural and normal thing. Even towards strangers. Even in a relationship. Loving someone doesn't stop you from finding other people attractive. Part of being happy and in a sound relationship is having a partner who trusts you enough not to betray their trust. But, this doesn't seem to be your problem, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
The only thing that stood out to me is that you conflate "lust" and "feeling." If you look at this guy and you just want to bone him, don't worry about it. If you're thinking about this guy non-stop or you think you might have "feelings" for him, then would probably guess there are problems in your relationship you haven't acknowledged and your fantasizing about greener grass.
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