A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for 8 months and we had sex recently, but she told me she had sex when she was 14 and lost her virginity with her ex. I am 17 and she is 16. I feel like I gave her everything (my first kiss and virginity), and I got nothing back. She told me she wanted to lose it because she said it was a burden. She doesn't regret it. I feel so crushed that his happened to me. We've been arguing about it because I'm jealous about it.
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female
reader, SleeplessJealousy09 +, writes (29 September 2012):
 What a girl does before she starts dating you is really none of your business. If she told you, be glad because it shows that she trusts you. If she had sex with someone else DURING your relationship, only then will it become your business!
Don't be jealous of her past because that part of her life is over. She's with you now.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Tell me, did she tell you that she had already lost her virginity BEFORE you two had sex ?
And if she did- if you knew she was not a virgin and you wanted to be with a virgin- why did you accept to have sex with her ?
Why didn't you say " No thanks, I am looking for another virgin just like me ?"..
You are spitting in the plate
where you are eating , ( and I bet it did not take a lot of persuading to make you taste the dish , right ? ).
Totally not cool.
Then again, as another poster says, that's what happens when kids want to act adult and try things they do not have the maturity for- like sex.
Until you have not done a lot of growing up emotionally and psychologically- just stick to Nintendo.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): You are to immature to have a sexual relationship.
It isn't about "getting", it is about giving.
"and I got nothing back."
What do you mean? You had sex. You didn't give her your virginity...you just gave it up.
Apologize to her for your insensitivity, tell her that you need to grow up, and tell her that you are deeply sorry for the way you have treated her.
Then, act like a man, and not like a child, and live life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): A lot of people will knee-jerk point the blame at you, but I think this goes beyond virginity. She didn't just lose it with another serious BF, she purposely got rid of it because she didn't value it at all. VERY different from you. Your sexual values are different from hers. This is an incompatibility that you two have, no better, no worse. Either accept her for who she is or break up with her. There is nothing else you can do. She is not entirely who you want her to be. Nobody else ever will be entirely right for you either, they will just be incompatible in different ways. Its just a matter of deciding if you want to live with this girl's incompatibilities or not.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (8 September 2012):
Well, what you feel is pretty common in such situation. You are basically jealous about her ex having sex with her before you. Since you are asking about this here, it's obviously a big deal for you.If you are lucky, you will forget about all this in a couple of days or weeks. And then go on.If you are not, then you will start obsessing about this to the point where it will start ruining your relationship. And if you reach that point, since you are 17 I would recommend you to break up. That will be the best for both of you.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 September 2012):
 It IS a really big deal to you.
You say you you felt you gave her everything and she gave you nothing back? You made LOVE together - does that not count for something?
She is still young and she still has a lot to learn about life. You are in the same position. If you break up with this girl, due to your own issues on Virginity, then how will you feel with your next girl friend?
Especially if she is a Virgin?
Will you be consumed with Guilt that you Gave her Nothing, when you realise you took her Virginity but were able to give her Nothing back? How logical is that?
You will make love to her. She will hopefully already be in love with you and you with her, before you make love.
Surely you will see that the Act of Making Love is in itself a Wonderful Giving experience?
You have a Major Case of Retroactive Jealousy and it will ruin one after another of your relationships in the future if you cannot get this disorder under control.
If you need to get some Counselling then speak to your Doctor about arranging that or find a Suitable therapist who can help you with this Debilitating condition (Retroactive Jealousy)
Many posters suffer from Retroactive Jealousy and it is indeed very hard to have happy relationships while you are consumed with Retroactive Jealousy.
Amongst what I hope are some useful Articles below, there is one on Retroactive Jealousy.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retrograde-jealousy.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/virginity-.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html
I took all three articles above from this Article, below, that contains over 40 Articles published on the DearCupid.org site and written by the Wise Uncles and Wise Aunts on this site.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/22--great-articles-from-great-aunts-and.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): That's a very immature attitude your girlfriend has towards losing her virginity so young, "It was a burden to be a virgin so I lost it and I'm proud", like what has she gained from doing so? Experiencing sex at such a young age and maybe bit of an ego boost at the time...there's nothing clever about that.
I believe for a lot of teens these days, losing their mobile phone is more important than losing their virginity. You don't see teenagers casually losing their phone as and when they please.
You have the right idea in that it should be lost to the right person, and you shouldn't feel regretful for losing it to that person.
Unfortunately, too many teenagers are driven by a reputation these days rather than their own free thinking mind, and they lose it too soon and to the wrong person, simply because everyone else seems to be doing it.
I guess what's done is done, the only way you can change how you feel about her and this relationship is to call it quits and move on. She clearly isn't the right person for you if you feel you've lost your virginity to her and you haven't gained anything from it.
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