A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles:I found out in January that my now-ex gave me HPV-genital warts. I couldn't bring myself to forgive him (he had insisted I trust him, that he didn't have anything and that if I didn't trust him then we were over. So I trusted him) so that, plus other issues broke us up. I have always been so careful, so obviously at my age, to have gotten this is devestating. My doctor confimed my fears... that I could possibly be infectious for the rest of my life, and that there really is no such thing as truly safe sex. Even if the warts do appear to be in remission, the virus can be active under the surface of the skin and reinfect both parties. I also happened to have gotten a particularly virulent strain that I have little immunity to.The thought of never being able to have sex again makes me physically sick.... but even if it were remote, the possibility of passing it on to someone else makes me feel worse. I feel like a leper.I don't feel like I can even begin to date anyone because it's a conversation I really don't want to have. Who wants to sleep with someone who's diseased?What's the point in even meeting anyone?I wanted to know how other infected people deal with this, and how do they manage to get on with their lives with no sex? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): I am the poster who also has HPV. I am with you...... very few people thell others they have it, and that is wrong. I felt a responsibility to others to tell them. I had pre-cancerous cells from mine and had to have painful biopsies done. I didn't want that to happen to anyone else because I wanted to hide it. I felt like no one would ever want me again, too. It took a while before I found someone that I could open up to and tell him. SO, I didn't have sex for a while. Just know that you are not alone in this. I understand your pain. You will learn to live with this, and it won't be so painful after time. I promise. Hang in there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): It's hard to respond to this coming from someone who doesn't have it and I know that's who you really want to hear from. But I'll say this much, if you find someone who truly cares for you this disease shouldn't be a problem. People with HIV (which is far worse) have very meaningful relationships with non-infected people. What I';m trying to say here is, maybe something like this is not all that bad and will allow you to hae more meaningful relationships becuase you won't be jumping into sex and you'll be spending more time talking about it which is what should be happening anyway. So please do not despair. When you build your future relationships with a great foundation based on friendship, this really won't be a problem. People aren't always so judgemental especially when they love you. You should count on that because you sound like you have a good heart and that's definitely worth something.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thank you all for your advice. I have looked at the website provided, and people seem remarkably blase about it, which disturbs me... no one seems to care that they can pass it on to people easily. It did answer my question about how I could have contacted it from my ex without seeing anything untoward on him though.
I know that a lot of people have it, which just tells me how much no one seems to care that they are transmitting it.I seem to be the minority that cares very much, and I still see no way out of a lifetime of celibacy.
I'm glad that the one poster has found someone that understands, but, I won't count on the same happening to me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 I am so sorry to hear that, you must be just devastated, but you are not alone. One in four women in the US between the ages of 14-59 have the virus. I don't know what the statistics are in Canada, but I would imagine they could be similar.
Your life has been rocked by this, I know, but there is help out there for you. To start, I'm putting website below that might help you in researching your options. Your doctor should be providing better counselling for you, I think, but sometimes the health system is so strained for resources that they give short shrift to real concerns and questions. Diagnosis isn't all, there is follow up care.
Here's the link:
http://boards.webmd.com/webx?50@@.5987f42e
I hope you come to realize that you are not the only one and that there is help out there for you! Don't be afraid to be a bit of a pest at the doctor's office; the squeaky wheel while annoying at times gets the most attention and care!
All the best.
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A
male
reader, Stroller  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Two words: support group.I think it'd be really difficult for someone to advise you without being in a similar situation - I really feel for you, but I can't imagine being in your position.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): I was diagnosed with HPV. My ex husband was cheating on me and infected me. I thought that I would never have sex again, too. I just sat down with my boyfriend and told him that I have something that will never go away. I do not have the genital warts kind, but my strain can still be passed. We talked about it, and thankfully he has stuck by me and we have sex. You will find someone who loves you for you and won't care about that.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (19 March 2008):
 A friend on mines confided in me that she had anal warts and was terrified to go to the doctor about them. After I spoke with her about it she reluctantly took my advice and paid her GP a visit. The warts had spread and she had more than 40 of them around her anus. She went 3 times and the doctor froze them, (as you would with warts on your fingers), after her 3rd treatment they had disappeared completely and she has never had them again. The doctor told her it was due to her lover's ragged fingernail (I'll let you use your imagination on that one lol).
So the upside is, as long as you keep yourself clean and always practise safe sex, you should be absolutely fine. I've given you a link with more information. Don't worry about it, it's not as bad as you think.
http://home.cfl.rr.com/dahmd/warts.htm
~Eve~
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