A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my long term boyfriend back in August. He broke up with me over the phone after admitting to having lead me along for 6 months because he "couldnt find the right moment to break up." Was well pissed off - even more so when I said he should have come and did it to my face like a man, and he said he couldnt cos he had to take some girl from uni to the theatre that night. Was also angry because he'd continued to have sex with me even when he knew he wanted to break up. Needless to say I was livid with anger, I still am but have had a lot of time to think. Ive thought about everythying that went on in the relationship and can just see it was nothing but lies on his part. Because I was so angry during the break up, there was a lot I didn't do. I wrote him an angry letter - it was pretty nasty. I dont regret writing it, but I do feel a lot calmer now and feel there are other things I want to say which I didnt because I was so angry - for closure I guess. Should I write another letter? Also, Ive been thinking about the letters I gave him during the relationship. You know the sort - dirty ones... He told me they were securely locked away somewhere back at his parents house, now I'm not sure if he lied about that as well and want some reassurance about what happened to the letters. I want them destroyed because I work in in a very public role and I dont want them getting in to the wrong hands. I wouldnt have worte such things if I had known he was leading me along. Please help.
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 Hi,
Sorry to say, but you have no hope of getting those letters back. You wrote them to him, so he has every right to keep them ( unless he is a nice guy and decides to return them ).
But at the end of the day, you say you work in a very public role, but you are very young so I assume you are not a major celeb, therefore it's time to get a grip. Nobody is really interested in the love life of a young girl, you are not Princess Diana or Britney Spears, nobody is really going to be terribly interested in reading your love letters. If they are then they have very sad lives and you shouldnt worry about them anyway.
Just put it down to experience, and believe me everyone on this planet has written down something they would rather strangers not see, you are not the only one. It never comes out because unless you are a celebrity nobody cares.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 A problem in some breakups is that you feel you need to give explanations and make points. Maybe it is so, but that often hides a need to maintain in touch with the other person. So my opinion is that you shouldn't write another letter. He was indeed very mean to you and you're much better off without him. I would say, cut him off your life.
As to the raunchy letters, there's nothing you can do. He has them and will keep them for as long as he wants.
I think you should be more careful from now on. Whatever you write, reamins written, and can be used against you if you're a public figure.
I don't know how things are in Britain, but, why would it matter if someone knew the contents of those letters? I know it can be embarrassing. But I suppose everyone has these kind of thoughts about their partners, the only difference being that people don't usually put that in writing.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Wow, he sounds like a class A t*sser!!
Doesn't seem like much you can do about the letters, even in the probably unlikely event they should become public, you could pass it off as him being a bitter and asty ex and deny all knowledge of writing them.
Glad to hear you are going through the angry phase of the breakup, rather than crying and begging him to take you back!
Sounds like you could do SO much better!!
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