A
female
age
30-35,
*oodgirl5
writes: -He's friends with my friends and is a well known figure on campus, but we had never met until one night in dining hall.-We talked for a long time and after he left my friends told me how impressed they were with the chemistry apparent between us. -I saw him a few days later in dining hall and we talked about how boring school can be and after talking a while we decided to go in his car and smoke weed off campus.-We talk on the way and he says certain things in a effort to impress me and i don't appear impressed. He's smitten with me.-We're high in his car and after a while of listening to music he gives me a certain look and is like, "soo, "what are we going to do all nightt?" and because I don't want to give him anything too soon and want to draw the seduction process out longer (I'm interested at this point), I manage to smoothly change the subject each time. I close my eyes to experience the sedating qualities of the drug and breathe heavily. I can feel him looking at me while I do this. When I open my eyes he looks away or gives me this smitten look and smiles. I'm in the passenger seat and there is a median between us so he doesn't get to close, but every now and then he tilts his head in my direction and leans it on his shoulder and looks upward and gives me a cute look with his eyes. I smile and giggle a lot and am just my fun, free spirited self but don't really reciprocate physically or verbally. Aware of his desire to escape, explore, and be more carefree (we go to a super competitive school where few people are like this because of the stress) I am very much my free spirited self and I can tell he is being drawn in by it (perhaps because he wants to be but can't because of the numerous sources of stress in his life). I believe I appear to him as a unique, independent, fun girl who does things he wants to do. I suggest we go on little adventures around campus since we're bored and whatnot. I laugh a few times and he says I have a cute laugh. We explore campus and I show him some secret spots. He's very intrigued by my knowledge and access to certain places. We have lots of fun and break some minor rules together and sneak around. We go to the music building and he shows off on the piano (he's very good), but for the most part I believe I appear uninterested when he looks up from the keys every now and then for my approval. I walk towards one of the big windows and he comes over. He leans closely and looks at me with googly eyes and it is obvious what he wants to do -- he wants to kiss me very badly. But it's a few minutes past the time I need to check in so we have an excuse to leave. He walks me to my dorm and at the front door as we're about to depart theres a bit of tension like he wants to kiss but I hug him and say goodbye w/o kissing, but without anything awkward. This was a saturday night.-The next day (sunday) i text him and ask is he wants to get high that night. He says he would love to but cant that night. But we go for lunch tomorrow and get high in his car. -I want to make it clear that i'm not easy, so I have a mutual female friend call him while we're together getting high and have her sort of make it clear to him that he shouldn't "do anything" with me while I'm high, and that I don't do cheap hookups (I don't).-He seems very affected by it and somewhat offended. We get high and I ask him what it was about but he's vague. I need to return to school so he drops me off. (monday)- out of nowhere on tuesday he texts me and says, "briana, whats up?"- i text back 20 min later and say nothing much and ask him what hes doing and he says "i'm taking test week off because my back hurts like a bitch hahaha.... but what are you up to tomorrow? i dont much feel like staying at home all day..." and i talk about how i tried another drug the other day and he asked if he could have some and i said, "you can sell me drugs but i don't know if i want to sell you drugs. i would feel like i were taking your innocence" and he said "haha my innocence? long gone sweetheart although i appreciate it... you think im innocent though?" i didn't respond and he said, "well anyway text me tomorrow, we should get high." then i said, "i prefer for others to take the role of the debaucher." and he said "yes maam it is understood. you should listen to [name of soft and slow song]."the next day (wed) i text him and ask if hes on campus. he says hes at home (commutes - day student) and i tell him i'm just skipping my finals because i dont feel like studying. he says "hahaha you rock. text me if you are free later" -- implying he would drive to campus just to hang out w/ me even though he wasn't allowed on campus because he was on med leave for his back.i want to see him one more time before i go on friday so on thurs i tell him we should get high on friday before i leave at 1 and he says he has company at 1 but would come to campus to see me at 12 sharp. i ask if he hooked up with this one girl i hate (rumor said he did) and he said no, thats gross. i say my friends have warned me about his rep (hooks up with a lot of girls) and he said "i have nothing to hide haha. nobody is perfect. if you need a confirm/deny on something let me know". then i asked him how many girls he had been with and he said, "partners ive had? it stands at 5 i do believe. do i get to ask you to same question" and i said it's not my reputation that's in question and he said "i haven't heard anything about you like that" and i said, "exactly, i have a clean rep. and i have people looking out for me." (like the girl who called him). he then said "i'd rather be a nice guy and have a bad rep than be an asshole and be on the down low i suppose". i then told him that someone told me of a really bad rumor about him taking advantage of girls while hes high (the person who told me made it up) and he was very intrigued and wanted me to tell him. and i said i would tell him in person.i woke up late the next day and didnt get to hang w him at 12. so i called him that night at 1 am and accidently woke him up (said sorry, nevermind, go back to bed but he wanted to stay up and talk). i called to let him know that i didn't see him because i woke up late and i'm sorry for not being able to tell him in person. he was half asleep but kept pushing me to know what it was about. i let him know that it was that he took advantage of a certain girl while getting her high (completely made up by a friend, as i thought, but it allowed me to steer to conversation towards his habits with girls while high to probe and figure out if his romantic gestures toward me were special or custom). we talked for 2 hours and he rambled and revealed a lot about his insecurities and past relationships. He toldme he had a girlfriend this time last year who he described as psycho. He said she was manipulative and crazy. He was really affected by it. it was all honest, so it wasn't unattractive. i was really interested in him at this point.he texted the next day (sat) and asked if i would be going to boston at all over break (halfway between both of our homes) and he said we should chill. i said we should try lsd together and he consented. on the train the next day i talked about how some of my friends were really fucked up by drugs and sex and how i was afraid to see them over break. he told me to not go too wild and to be safe. he said we should go on a spontaneous trip to montreal together. this conversation continues for hours on texting and we joke a lot and it's lighthearted and playful and we just talked about random stuff -- not too flirtatious.later that night he asks me what i'm up to and i say i'm high at a party and he says hes jealous. this continues throughout break -- we both told each other when we were high or drunk, perhaps because it's common ground. i do admit to exaggerating my partying, but i'm certain he did as well. this goes back and forth for a few days. the next monday he calls and we talk for 2 hours and he makes me laugh the entire time by doing impersonations and stuff -- he's very funny and i was laughing the entire time. we talk about non-drug/sex topics and it's all just very fun and we're both very into each other. theres always flirting going on.. sexual innuendo, etc. it's always there, on both sides. i do more innuendo than him, and am much more coy and subtle. he doesn't make me uncomfortable and only responds positively to my subtle comments.he also starts most of the conversations by texting, "briannnaaaaa" or "helloooo" at random intervals.at one point to explain a story that just happened, i had to describe what i was wearing for the story -- bikini because i just got out of the hot tub, but rubber boots and rubber cleaning gloves with a can of raid, chasing ants. he said, "that is turning me on" and i said i looked ridiculous and he said "women like that are definitely a turn on"he told me a funny story about him and a friend doing something ridiculous and i said that's hilarious and he said "thanks babe". ----he sort of treated me like a girlfriend throughout break. he called me babe and baby a few times, would call if i told him to (and did), had plans for us to do stuff together once we got back that "just friends" wouldnt do together -- like a weekend in montreal sharing a hotel room. and we were bother caring towards each other --- i made him stop texting while he drove and reminded him not to drink or smoke while driving, and he abided. he told me he would come down to protect me from the drunk men on st patty's day in new york, etc.later that night we were talking again and the topic of mutual friends came up (ones who are going out) and he said he hates hearing the details of their sex lives because "it reminds me of my own frustration -- i've been celibate for a few months, i don't need to hear. it makes me feel sad and unloved =(" and i said awwwwww good night have some sweet dreams tonight. and he said, "i'll try to have some kinky ones" the next day he texted me and said "i had a sweet dream last night!!!" and he said he would tell me later (because he was driving). later i pressured him for info and he said "cool and erotic on all sides 100%" and i was like, "tell me more" and he said, "oh you wanna know details?" and i said, "don't be too specific but tell me what happened. he said it was at [name of our school] and i said that's not very kinky. he said "some places are" and i guessed the library. he said that in the dream we got high in the secret spot on campus i showed him and then we went to the library together... he didn't say what we did in the library, but it was pretty clear.we were talking about st patty's day and i asked him if i should wear my catholic school girl uniform because it was green. he said "only if you send me a picture hahaha" and i said "no that would be slutty. i'm not easy." and he said "ouch i'm gona be deprived of seeing you wear that? my life sucks" and a few seconds later "and i know you're not easy briana". then i told him it was so short that i couldn't walk without my cheeks peeking out and he said "woah that is detail to the maximum" and then i said "before i go to bed tell me one more detail from the dream" and he said "you were in it" and i said i already knew that and i want another one and he said "thats all i can say because you're going to bed right? ahaha" and then he said "well goodnight you are pretty" i said "awwww" and we talked more and i asked him what was up and he said "nothin feeling good how bout yourself lovely". he fell asleep and i guessed another part of the dream and the next morning he said "bingo that too" and i said that i doubted if it was true because it seemed unlikely that i was guessing his entire dream and i changed subjects.i got drunk w my friends on st pattys day in new york and i called him and just laughed and was trying to talk. he told me this later and i said sorry and he said "no it was cute".a few days later i told him i had a dream with him in it but it wasn't kinky.. it was about school and he was there.at the end of break he was like, "so are we going to hang out" but i was't in boston by then and so we planed on doing it for the last weekend (easter weekend) but he was busy saturday so we were goig to do it "all of sunday" (his words) and we both genuinely wanted to meet up but it turns out he had a family thing on easter. he texted me while there and said he was bored. he wanted to talk on the phone but i was busy.later that night he texted me when he found out he was waitlisted at mcgill. he said it was a good excuse to get drunk that night, as he did. he said "i have a random drunked question" and i said, "you may ask if you admit it's not the juice talking but only lubricating the release of what it already present and subconscious" and he said "deal. what do you think of me" ad i said "as in?" and he said "i have no idea. its a random drunk question you ca give a random drunk answer to it" and while i was taking a long time to type he said "also what do you think the point of life is" and then "i ask unorthodox drunk questions" and then "also what is your favorite quality in a guy" and in response to his first question i said "ok allen. i know exactly what you meant by that question. i think youre fairly chill, fairly cute, and your reputation is unfairly misrepresentative but still gives rise to certain precautions by the smart, non easy girls you pursue" and he said "i like your honesty" and in response to the second, i said "just that -- honesty. it's essential for communication and is evidence of so many more underlying attractive qualities" he told me to call him the next day because we could hang out since i was arriving at noon. he told me to call when i got there. i got there at 3 and i called at 6 that night and he wasnt available. it was too late for us to hang anyway. this was a monday. (3 weeks after the initial Monday we got high together – break was 2)tuesday night (tuesday was first day of school for new term) he said "i'm free almost all tomorrow! you wanna do something??" and i said "can you get shrooms?" and he said "i can get shrooms tomorrow probs haha. but i'm free almost all tomorrow you wanna do something?"^--- it seems like he wanted to just hang out but it seems like i just wanted to do drugs???i told him i was excited that there were a lot of hot guys in my art class. he said "sounds like a boatload of fun ill call you at 11 45 tomorrow ok" i said i was busy til 1230, he said "ok ill call you at 12 30". i then said i couldn't get high and that i needed to do work and he said "i understood you the first time foo". i then said, "what math level are you in?" he said 400 and then i said, "ok you're helping me with my homework" and he said "ok i'll help you" and i said seriously i need to work i have so much to do and he said "got it". I asked what we were going to do and he said “Ii’ll help you wit your homework and then we’ll see from there”the next day there was an emergency and i called him at 10 and said i would be busy until 1. he said call me when you're finished. i went to lunch at the dining hall with my friends when i was finished at 1 and was out by 1 30. on my way to my dorm i passed him with a group of friends but i pretended not to see him because i didn't look my best and didn't want to stop and talk. im pretty sure he saw me. at 2 i called him when back in my dorm. he didn't answer. i called twice later that day -- once at 3 and another at 5. didn't answer. i think i texted something but he didn't answer?thursday i saw him at lunch. i had him feel my heartbeat because it was really fast and i was afraid i took too much of my prescribed stimulant (accidently took 2 instead of one because i forgot i took one earlier that morning). he said "wow...thats fast. you should be ok tho" after i left lunch i wanted to text something which i knew he would respond to. so i asked him about how much i would need to take of that pill to OD and was seeking his advice on what to do... i wanted him to come help me.. that was the plan. because i knew he was free at the time. he said i shouldt have gotten myself into this situation and that he’s not a doctor and if i was worried I should go to the hopsital.later that night i texted something (cant remember) which prompted him to say "sorry i was worried...i have witnessed too may drug related injuries and i hate hearing about shit like that cuz i worry" to change the subject and move on i asked him if he could bring a screwdriver to school the next day for a project. 2 hr later he said he had me covered.the next day (friday) he texted me and said "we should hang out this weekend and it will be my last time or my kinda last time" (drugs) because he doesn't want to get kicked out his senior spring. i asked is he had the screwdriver and he said he forgot. i said i would see him at lunch. but the test i was taking took longer and i wasn't finished in time to go to lunch. at the end of the lunch period he said "where were you?" i told him to be at dinner and he said he had music practice. before dinner i passed him on the path and we walked to an early dinner together and he was being somewhat flirtatious during the walk there. he smiled a lot but seemed less smitten with me than that first saturday night. we sat with friends and the attention of the group was focused on me. i was telling funny stories and my friends were amused at how much i disregarded the rules of the school and how i'm going to get kicked out before i graduate. (all a big playful joke). he lost track of time and stayed 20 min into his music lesson my accident. later i went to the music building to drop of a guitar and i called to ask if i could borrow his locker. we talked some more and only 15 mi into the conversation did i realize he wasn't in the building because his teacher canceled and he went downtown w friends. he said i was funny and that we should do something tomorrow (sat) because it will be his "last time" and then he talked about how he can't to much for his senior spring and he wants to play it safe. i said alright and i forget who we said should call who on sat to hang out. i think it was supposed to be him to call me at noon. and he didn't call so at 3 i called and asked if he had stuff and he said no and he explained his reasons for wanting to stay out of trouble. i was annoyed because we made plans and now he completely changed his mind. i was like, "whyyy? cmon thats so lame" because i was so annoyed and embarrassed that he didnt call and changed his plans and was being hypocritical. after a while he was like "alright well i gotta go.. right now i'm going to joe's dorm to get something but.." and i dont remember if he said "we should" or something along the lines of the beginning of an invite but i cut him off and i said something along the lines of "ok, well whatever, bye" or "well then nevermind.. bye" and he said "what?" or something which prompted me to repeat myself and then he said something like "ok" and he seemed put off and a tad shocked or annoyed. and then i hung up.later that night i texted him, asking if i could borrow one of his ties for something and he never responded. the next day (sunday) i began to worry. he didn't call or text all day and never responded. i texted him and asked why he was avoiding me or something. he texted back, "i'm annoyed at you" and i texted "for what?" and he didnt respond. then i called him. he didn't pick up. i might have called again within the next few minutes. then i texted that we should talk. he said he was in a movie. so i waited 3 hours to text again. i asked if he was on campus and he said now he was at home practicing piano. and then i asked why he wouldn't answer his phone but would text and he said "im not a phone person. i am pissed because you do dumb things like take too much of a drug and that type of shit causes me to worry and it is not cool and i do" i reminded him that it was an accident (i dont think he believes me) and i said "dont confuse me with past girls" i asked if he was free tomorrow to talk in person and he said "ok lets talk in person" and we scheduled a time. and then he said "what do you mean dont confuse you with past girls?" and i didn't respond.we met in person and i looked cuter than ever and when he came over to me he said, "im sorry about getting annoyed at you" and the coversation wasn't very revealing as to why he was really mad at me.. and he didn't mention the saturday phone call. he seemed like he really was ok with me and not mad. but he seemed much less smitten with me than before. we sat and talked and he was funny and i didn't get a chance to apologize. then we both had the same meeting to go to so we walked there. every now and then we looked at each other in the meeting but it wasn't sexual or tense. and the meeting was about shifts for this certain job. the boss said, "who is free monday night?" he said he could do it and he said to one of his male friends, "bob lets do the monday night shift together" and they teamed up and took that shift. tues was taken, and then i volunteered for wed. and the boss asked if anyone else could do wed (a busy night at this school because it's a half day and so day students go home and there are a lot of club meetings…so he prob wasn’t available) and he had an opportunity to volunteer but didn't. another girl did, and then i told him we should do a shift together. he said "if i can" or something.. i don't remember. then there was thurs night and a guy volunteered for that and when the boss asked if anyone wanted to team up, he said he could if no one else was doing it. boss handed out keys and i was waiting for one after he got one and he went off without waiting.that same day (mon, 4 weeks after initial sat night) i saw him at lunch and he was the center of attention for our group of friends because he was doing a little performance at the table. i laughed along with everyone else because he was very funny. at the end i whispered to him that there were things i still need t talk to him about and that there are important things we need to talk about and he said, "ok, text me later, i'm free at 5" and so i texted him at 4:40 and said, "when you're free i have our secret spot to myself" i forgot that he wasn't free until 5:10 and when he didn't respond, i went to dinner at around 5:30. my friend saw him in another part of the dining hall at 6:30 so i texted him and said "i left secret spot a while ago but i have important stuff that is worth listening to. its necessary that you hear it.. promise its worth it." and he didn't respond. i saw him the next day (tues) and told him that i do need to talk to him and that there has been a lot of misinformation. he said "probably, i'll be around here at 6", referring to the dining hall, but i didn't go because something else came up. i don't know if he showed up or not. i called at 6:50 and he didn't pick up. i haven't called or texted him since in an effort to not appear needy. our mutual friend called him on wed night twice but he didnt pick up. hes a very busy guy and neither of us have seen him since. I did text him on thurs night at 630 because I needed the number of a friend of his. I texted, “I need ben’s number. Its super important and urgent… its ok if youre not talkig to me, but its important that I talk to him as soon as possible.” He texted back 15 min later with only the number… no comment from him.today (sat) at noon she saw him on the path and stopped to tell him that there has been some misinformation and that he should talk to me. he said he's not really concerned with the misunderstanding as much as he is " indifferent" about it all (his word -- indifferent"). he promised her he would, but she said he has broken her promises before. I passed them on the path and quickly nudged her as i walked by my friend and told her that a friend of ours needs to talk to her. He didn’t look up from her as I walked towards them or as I walked by.so here's my problem:i think that he liked me so much, so quickly that he felt like he lost control, and then i did something which reminded him of what his ex-girlfriend (call him while she was ODing on purpose), who he was totally pussywhipped by while in the relationship and then afterwards, he had an emotional breakdown and his life perspective changed. i think i triggered this memory.he also told another mutual friend that he's trying to not do drugs as much but when he's with me he finds it hard to resist. so maybe he's avoiding the influence altogether. but i smoked pot with him for the first time and we did it twice altogether.. its just that i could use getting high as an excuse to hang out with him and it was a mutual interest which we bonded over and we could both start converstions about. we have plenty more mutual interests (music, philosophy, art, literature, theater) i can't smoke much this term either. i like him when hes sober, high, or drunk... possibly best when sober. When we were going to get high o that wed., I said I had to do homework and he was going to help me.. he was fine with this non-drug related activity together. But when I asked him on sat, after he had suggested we get high on sat, he took a moral stance against it and wasn’t going to be persuaded.Also… I know I didn’t reciprocate a lot and that I sent a lot of mixed signals and made him chase a lot without even kissing… but he did chase, and was very smitten with me form day one. We talked for long hours every day over break, when we were 200 miles away from each other… he knew that we weren’t going to do anything physical while talking on the phone… and we hadn’t done anything in the past… just one hug, not even a peck on the cheek! And he’s used to girls throwing themselves at him and hooking up without any strings attached. He’s had 5 partners! And he’s hooked up with virtually every girl at school. But he pursued me for 4 weeks without aything physical… although I wanted to, I just wanted to draw out the process longer. Eventually, I want to go far with him. From his point of view, I don’t even know if it looks like I’m very interested? Or if I’m just being a tease? But I’m genuinely attracted to him, even if we don’t do anything sexual. Now that he’s the one beig distant, I feel the need to chase him. Is he doig this on purpose? We’re realiy great for each other (we both thought so, as did our friends), but I don’t know if he knows I’m interested.At what point do you think he really lost interest? Or he hasn’t but he’s restraining himself?anyway, i'm a good girl and havent gotten in any big trouble.. but i do have a rebellious nature and this is a known thing around campus and people do look up to me as a bit of a badass because I’m less uptight and more freespirited than others here… I have the most absences in the school, etc… little things I’ve gotten in trouble for. But he has a bad rep (drugs, sex) and has been in plenty of official trouble. he's a genuinely nice guy, and i never felt pressure from him in any way. He’s one of those people everyone knows and most people love. He’s very well known… but he's also sincere and honest, as am i. but i feel like those 2 events (calling him for advice w drugs and getting mad at him for not doing drugs) triggered something in him which caused him to want to avoid me altogether, so i don't know how to explain myself. I also think that because he feels like i’m a tease. But we’re perfect together, before these events we were bother crazy about each other and we were really something. i also feel like i didnt show enough interest.how do i make it known that I am genuinely interested in him (not a tease) and that I’m not as into drugs as he thinks I am? i know that once he understands the truth he wont want to ignore me… but I’m also unsure if I can get his interest back after all of this… before he couldnt ignore me at all, he was like a puppy... how could he change so quickly?
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female
reader, scythe  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 woah, ok i nearly read it all..
so ill comment on the stuff i have read
i think that when you told him there was an emergency, then you ignored him - was the point where he got sick of chasing you around. no offence or anything but you seem to never stick with the times you give him, and are always calling him late and then wondering why he doesnt answer.
as an observer of your situation i believe that he really did like you, but got sick of chasing you around with no response. plus the OD thing.
i dunno what advice to offer except maybe you should see him in person and apologise for never calling when you say you will, and maybe organise a date where you two can have fun and not do drugs.
hope it works out
scythe
xox
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): that was ridiculously and unnecessarily long. It seems he was just tired of your crap. like you seem to have strung him along and he didnt know how you felt and kind of was over it, then you start texting him all the time seeming clingy and needy. I didnt see where you reminded him of his ex. It reminds me of a guy I liked who did the same thing you were doing, knd of playing games and not letting on how he really felt. It just got old. Then when i was done he decided he didnt want to let me go. By that time I was over it. Maybe you should explain how you really feel and hope he isnt over you. Or maybe by him not texting you back ever or saying he's "indifferent" to you 2's situation is a sign that he's just done and lost interest. It's one thing to not be easy and a slut, you made it clear to him you are not, I dont believe he was expecting it from you, but you could still be a bit more vulnerable and let him know how you feel. And the "smitten" feeling just fades. Especially in the circumstances. You should tell him how you feel anyway, if he even wants to get together and talk, and explain yourself completely. Then go from there. If he has lost all interest, there isnt much you can do but move on and try to tear down your wall and strong judgements about people with the next guy you like.
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