A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:hii'm a 19 year old girl, i had never dated until i got to varsity. i met this girl, we became really good friends and then we started dating. it was perfect at first because we were both very much into it. her life started to go a whole lot better than mine, this bothered me because we used to do everything together and suddenly she had a hundred other things she had to do, without me. i thought i would be okay with it, in fact i always tried to be highly supportive and tried to be there during her success. sadly, it seemed as if she was getting used to the idea of not always having me around. The problem is my life started to go down hill because of family issues, failing at school and depression. i wanted her to be there for me too, but she seemed too focused on her own life and other people, including my female roommate, that became a problem because they had been really good friends at one point, just like me and her. i'm hopelessly in love with this girl but i feel like the relationship is getting toxic for me. i care about her a lot and she just seems fine with me being in her life. i would have broken up with her but that would hurt me more than it would hurt her. do i stay in this relationship and keep enduring the heartache or do i suck it up and end it and pray it won't not kill everything i have inside. p.s i have tried numerous times to confide in her and tell her my fears, but it seems not to work.
View related questions:
roommate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 She is not supportive as a girlfriend and I would see that as a betrayal. People stay in relationships through good times and bad times. She is only interested in good times. She does not include you in social lives because you and your miserable life misrepresent who she is. I think you should end it. Not sure what kill everything you have inside means. You have to stay strong and take it one day at a time. Try not to think that you do not deserve love and attention but rather she does not have the empathy or maturity to deal with someone's pain.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): If you suffer depression and you're failing in school, your attention should be directed to those areas.
The key word you used in description of your friend is she is too "focused." That is an excellent trait. She is supposed to be focused on her life. She has a right to be.
You can easily become dependent on other people, and use the excuse that you're sharing your burdens. When in truth you're leaning on them. Depression is not something people can easily help you with, they can only offer you moral support. Place the full responsibility of treatment of your mental-health or health-issues on trained and licensed mental-health professionals and medical doctors.
You need first to seek professional treatment for your medical-issues. Take your attention off her for awhile, and take care of yourself.
You also need to address your failing grades. Stop looking for a shoulder to cry on and making excuses. That isn't fair to people; nor does it make you seem very attractive when you're dragging around a lot of baggage. You have a lot of work to do on "your" life. Not look for people to lean on.
You claim depression as the reason; but I think it was only part of the reason. You were concentrating too much time and energy on being in a relationship. You lost focus. You lost track of your priorities, and you became preoccupied with keeping track of your girlfriend's every more. You have to learn to balance schoolwork and other activities.
You also have to deal with depression "before" entering into relationships. That kind of stress and pressure can trigger or raise anxieties that lead to depression. Even make it a lot worse.
Don't try to make her out to be the source of your problems. Your family-issues, school, and other things are a lot of things to juggle as a full-time student. Romance and dating should fall in the category of social-life.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy; but Jack has to know when to get back to work. You have to learn to manage your time and energies. Take care of your mental-health.
You have to be more disciplined and organized with your studies, and learn to push distractions out of the way that
waste valuable time.
If you can't fix it, avoid it. Fix what you can with your family; and leave the rest for them to fuss over. The young lady you described has every right to enjoy her life. Make other friends, have fun; and celebrate her accomplishments.
She can't always have the dark clouds of "your" personal-life over her head. She's not avoiding you, she's avoiding your doom and gloom.
She has no responsibility to be weighed down by your problems. As mean as that may sound, it is a fact.
You need to get to work on getting your grades up. Once you are healthy enough, and your grades are improved; then you may pursue romantic connections. You girlfriend will feel better about being around you.
...............................
|
