A
male
age
,
*istraught
writes:I have been with my partner for 10 years, it has not been easy as I work away very often, leaving her with our 2 children. We seem to be always quarrelling about stupid things, mostly my insecurity in thinking she is giving out the wrong signals to other men, and why can't she understand things from my point of view. Basically, I wanted a wife and she has never seen herself as anything other than a girlfriend.Recently, we quarrelled regarding a wedding we went to, and her giving the come on signals to a man, staring at each other, her then checking to see if I had noticed or not, making it obvious to the other man that even though I am there and she has a ring on her finger, - it does not matter to her, so carry on.We then went on holiday recently and she completely blanked me, in favour of another man for 10 days over this argument, no affection no nothing.When we came back home I accidentally found a close up photo of the man from the wedding on her pc.Our sex life has never been full, I always thought it was something she will change, but it has been very infrequent (once every 6 months or so), I have been faithful and still love her but now things are changing, and I feel very used.The last time I left to work away was in march of this year, before that her contraceptive method was the coil, because she believed using the pill was not good for the body. However, when I came back last month I noticed some contraceptive pills in the bathroom and asked her why she is taking these all of a sudden (considering we don’t have sex hardly), she said it was because of the hormones and the vitamins inside, that she is trying to improve her skin complexion (she sometimes has skin rash on the side of her face). She has changed, new figure, dental treatment, and hair. She goes swimming all the time now.Since the holiday, I have toyed with the idea of walking away, but I love my kids to much, and I must admit I love her as well. We have talked about our future and have decided to try again; we give each other notes almost each day, describing what we feel. It seems to be the only we can communicate.She has said that she does not know if she loves me anymore, but after I found the photo and said I would leave, she has said that her love has not died its just very ill, and she needs time to find away back to it.We sleep in the same bed, as far away as possible from each other, I long to reach out and touch her and hold her again, but she is resolute that until everything is “back to normal”, no affection is shown. I am not sure how long I can live like this.Last year we started renovating our flat, now that its finished she doesn’t love me anymore?? Maybe I am paranoid that she is just using me for my money and sleeping around, but there are so many signs and so many times that my gut instinct has told me that something is wrong. I am at a loss, when I asked her to return my money, she has returned less than half, saying that the rest has been spent on living expenses, I would not mind, but she did not tell me that the money I thought was our nest egg was being spent each month. I am not saying she is a thief but surely something is wrong when another person is spending your money without keeping you informed. Now I have found out she has had own money source from the beginning, which she is only now using to buy things, after 10 years. Money is not the issue here, it’s a principle, if I was willing to commit and sacrifice from the start, why wouldn’t she?
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male
reader, duce00  +, writes (29 August 2007):
 Im cringing as I write this. It really doesnt look good my friend. There are some very serious indications that she is unfaithful, selfish, manipulative and dishonest. I guess if it was just you and her Id say your welcome to choose your own personal hell, but there are kids involved. Would you want them to be raised thinking that all this is normal? Do you really think they cant feel or see what is going on? Kids arnt stupid they just dont understand everything. They will one day understand that you continually compromised youself and your integrity and that theyre mother was not a woman of strong morals (to put it lightly). Maybe you should get some counseling for yourself and do some serious soul searching about what YOU are doing and the kind of man you are allowing yourself to be. I really hope the best for you and your children. Let me know how this develops.
Take care
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