A
male
age
36-40,
*mploro1
writes:I've been in a relationship for nearly 2 years now. He's 23 and i'm 22. I met him online and we met almost instantly despite me living in Manchester and him in London.8 Months in to the relationship I decided to move down here to be with him. I don't live with him I live on my own and recently he has been coming round less and less, when I address him about this he just says he has too much to do and is pressured (at home etc.) I don't think he is pressured, I just think because it is his first relationship he doesn't know what to do and is feeling like I take up all his time.I have spent so much money on traveling ran up nearly £20,000.00 in debt by moving here and taking him on holidays etc, none of which seems to be recirpoated.I feel now like I am at a loss. We have had split up so many times and all of those times he says I am being possessive. I don't have any friends in London, they are all in Manchester that is why I want to see him that much. I want us to live together but how can that happen if he is reluctant to even see me? He is still living with his parents and I don't think he has any intention of moving out.By being down here I am getting myself in more and more debt, I am unhappy, a friend said to me that I should do what makes me happy. Should I move back, is he taking me for a ride? Or am I being stupid about this?Any help is appreciated.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Hi, you got some good answers from the previous posters, Ask oldersister, malvern and Danielepew. I have to ask if he was the one who suggested that you move to be with him? Or did you do this to try to move the relationship forward? If you made this decision on your own, then I'm afraid you may have put too much stock in this relationship before he was really ready to be committed to it. I know that is very hard to hear, but just because you're ready to make the big leap doesn't mean that he is.
Maybe you were a bit blinded by your own desires and hopes that you assumed things would be a certain way, and now the reality sets in. I am sorry that you've gone into debt and I know this is a very hard thing to deal with, but it may be best for you to put some space between you until you get things sorted for yourself. It sounds like this man is not going to leap in and give you the commitment you're looking for at the moment...
Hope things turn out for the best, but it's time to look after your own financial interests and your own heart.
A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (5 May 2008):
 I'm afraid you are putting far too much pressure on this young man. If you chase somebody,they run away - it's instinct. That's what you're doing. Try hard to build a life of your own, don't just depend on him for everything. Try to imagine how you would feel if somebody was clinging onto you all the time. I'm sure you'd feel trapped. You should back off and try to be more independant or give up the relationship altogether and go back home. You are probrably more mature than he is, girls always are, and ready to settle. Boys don't even begin to mature until they're at least 23 to 25. My own son and his friends are 22 and commitment is the last thing they need at that age.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 I think we should be responsible when giving opinions. If there are gaps in the information, we shouldn't assume anything.
I think there can be more than one explanation for his making himself unavailable, but, whatever it is, it seems so bad. You made the move from Manchester, left everything behind, ran into debt, took him on holidays (which makes me feel uneasy) and then, at the end of it, he just isn't there. And you don't think he is coming to live with you.
I think it would be wise to go back to Manchester. Sorry.
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