A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 23 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months now. He is an extraordinarily understanding, generous, loving kind of person and I consider myself very lucky.I lost my virginity at age 17 and have been with a grand total of 8 men. I am the first girlfriend and first sexual partner for my boyfriend (meaning like he's gotten head a couple times, whatever, but that's it). I love sex but we hardly ever have it. I know he is a little intimidated by the fact that I have some experience and he doesn't. I have been very patient with him because he is nervous, but things still have not changed much. I know he worries too much because we have discussed it before (that he isn't making all the right moves, will come too quickly, accidentally get me pregnant even though we use condoms, etc.) and is hard on himself when really he never has disappointed me in bed. He is usually gung-ho for oral sex between the both of us, and he always gets me off, but he never initiates full blown sex. I have assured him that we can take things slow and practice things and play as much as we want.I had already been considering the pill for some time and I saw my doctor and began it recently because I knew that extra safety would comfort him. But I'm still worried that things won't change. I feel like a sex-crazed lunatic and worry my boyfriend won't feel the same passion (and yes, I'm positive he is NOT gay). But it ends up with me feeling anxious and even unwanted and disconnected from him a little, and it upsets me because this does not reflect our very close, comfortable, happy relationship that we have. We've discussed all this a few times and he becomes so quiet and apologetic that he "made me feel that way" and says he just worries so much but that he will try to shake his nerves and that things will get better.I wish I could help him feel more comfortable. I want us to just, like, enjoy each other...? What should I do? Any similar instances? Ideas? Points? Advice? Information?Thank you.Please don't respond with any unsupportive or disrespectful comments. I appreciate it.
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condom, lost my virginity, oral sex, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): thank you both for your help.
A
male
reader, todsucht  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 don't take it to heart, I'm just a kid.
i think he will come around when he is ready. just wait for him. you are handling this kind of situation very well unlike a lot of people i know. personally i wouldn't do it unless i was married first, but that's just me.
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