A
male
age
36-40,
*ools_rush_in
writes:I thought I'd share my experience - I guess I'm probably not alone. I've generally not had a problem in getting first dates with women on dating sites: although my looks are fairly average at best I've got a good profile and can write witty emails. But I have found I go on what seem like brilliant first dates only to be told on (or before) date number two that it's not going to happen again. The normal line is "there's no chemistry". This is pretty dispiriting and I'm left wondering (1) what people look for on a first date and (2) why dates that I think went fantastically seem to result in cold feet. The last one was particularly depressing as I came away from the first date thinking I'd never had one go so well, including my last relationship of five years!I guess it's very difficult for you guys to say what I'm doing wrong, but just feel totally fed up with online dating: I feel it's done me good in a way as I'm now a lot more open as to whom I would want to date than maybe before, but I'm not sure most other people on these sites are the same! Do you think that girls have higher standards on dating sites than in real life, or what? The whole situation is depressing, not to mention really expensive to keep on going on these worthless dates... are girls put off if you just go for coffee with them to start with or something? I tend to do dinner to show I'm not cheap, but now I'm pretty skint!Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): coffee's totally fine. it's way lower pressure than dinner and you can cut it shorter if you need to.
chemistry is chemistry. online or off, wherever you meet someone, it's just there or not.
dating sucks, it's like looking for a job. you have to go on lots of shitty dates and lots of good dates that you really thought would pan out but don't before it finally works. hang in there.
A
female
reader, Red591  +, writes (18 September 2011):
 The probem with online dating is this. People look at a picture and 2 hours with someone and expect it to be this amazing thing. The truth is, when you meet people in real life and get to know them, you find yourself later attracted to them when you would not have if you only had that initial 2 hours and photo of them. It is more difficult in the online worls however, sometimes you have an immediate spark with someone and they do also and its easy street from there. Its up to you if you want to keep going through the dates to find that initial spark or go back to dating the old fashioned way. I have had good and bad experiences with online dating in the past. Its never easy in the dating game. GOOD LUCK
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011):
You are doing better than me. I have been at it a month and haven't even had a single woman message me.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (18 September 2011):
 Hi OP
You sound like the male version of me... altho I have limited experience with internet dating, my own first dates usually end up with the man running a mile, saying he isnt ready for a relationship blah blah blah etc etc
Only for me to find out he is seeing someone else the next week.
My friends tell me, I am smart, funny, pretty and have a lot to offer, yet men dont seem to see the same thing!.
I would probably suggest stopping with the online dating thing, and do more out in the real world. Find girls who have a similar outlook to life, hobbies, interests. You will more likely find someone you click with. I get the impression many women treat internet dating as some kind of free social life - they get to go out, and the men pay for it. Which I think is shocking.
Keep your money. If a woman is interested, then a coffee and a chat would be wonderful. :) the whole idea is to get to know someone!
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