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female
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anonymous
writes: It's been over a year since my boyfriend and I broke up. I broke up with him, and broke his heart. I have missed him for months and just recently told him how I feel. I still love him and want to get back together. He told me he does not want to get into any relationship right now, and that he is trying to make healthy decisions in his life, be more responsible, and count on himself and no one else. He needs to do these things for himself before being a good boyfriend. He said does not want any added drama or stress in his life on top of school and work right now, both are very demanding. He said he does not feel confident in us getting back together right now b/c he feels it would fail again (we've been on and off for 5 years). We have maintained consistent communication since we broke up last Oct. I told him how I felt the weekend before Thanksgiving and over a period of 3 days we probably talked on the phone for about 10 hours. When I came home (we live in seperate cities) we spent 3 out of 4 nights together (no sex, but kissing, cuddling, talking about how we felt, etc). He is very non-committal to any relationship question, but did say that he was open to us getting back together at some point. I am very unsure about how to feel, how to interpret what he wants, or what to do right now. I want him back, but he isn't making me feel completely confident. Any advice as to what to do/how to act, win him back? Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): I would say just give it some time and give him some space. It's great that you told him how you feel about him. Some women can't do that...Like me! At least he knows that you still have feelings for him. Therefore if you guys don't get back together at least he can't say you never told him how you felt.Maybe taking a breather is what he needs even though your ready to get back together now. He might just need time. You can wait, but dont wait forever!Good Luck!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice everyone. We did not break up because of cheating, just to clarify. I broke up with him b/c he was not willing to move to the same city I lived in. After 5 years together I felt like we should be in the same city.
I feel like it would be different than before because we are both more mature after spending this time apart. I think that maturity and appreciation of one another would make things different this time. I know after spending this time apart that he is the one I want, and I want to do what it takes to make it work.
He had no idea I would ever want to get back together or still loved him until I told him a little over a week ago. I feel like everything he's saying and the way he's acting right now is completely understandable and I couldn't expect anything else. It would be unreasonable to expect him to welcome me back with open arms the second I tell him I want him back, when I hurt him so much, and he is finally in a place where is happier.
I know we still love each other though, and he did say he could see us getting back together in the future. I feel that if he wasn't in love with my anymore, or truly wanted to move on without me, he would not have spent at much time talking with me and hanging out with me as he did recently. He is spending time with other girls, which is very difficult for me, but he said he is only flirting and having fun, light-hearted time, he has not kissed or hooked up with anyone. Thanks for all the advice everyone. Hope that helps clarify a few things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2006): If the past was turbulent the future won't be much better. Just cut your losses and move on. You won't be able to think straight if you two are in each others lives. Just walk away and don't go back, it's doomed not to work. You hurt him in the past and he is understandably cautious. Don't put yourself through all this. Get a life and make it on your own for some time.
Take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2006): If the past was turbulent the future won't be much better. Just cut your losses and move on. You won't be able to think straight if you two are in each others lives. Just walk away and don't go back, it's doomed not to work. You hurt him in the past and he is understandably cautious. Don't put yourself through all this. Get a life and make it on your own for some time.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (28 November 2006):
It's been on/off for 5 years and now off for a year. To me it doesn't sound like it can work, sorry. Why would it be different from before if you get back together? You keep hanging onto each other half-heartedly and preventing each other from moving on. You're having a big issue about whether or not to get back together, if you did, what would your big issue be then? Whether or not to stay together? Your relationship shouldn't be about having a relationship. I'm sorry but something that works doesn't have this much agony involved. You should cut all contact for a couple of months at least. You will miss each other but that's only because you are part of each others' lives and do retain some fondness for each other. I just don't think long-term that this is making either of you happy. Sorry.
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (28 November 2006):
 This guy sounds very mature, im liking him already! In fact, its good that both of you are mature about things and are able to talk things over (belive you me, as simple as it sounds, msot people have a difficuty with that). I think its a brilliant idea that he wants to take it slow as rushing back into an ex relationship only leads to disaster more often that not. So do continue keeping in contact with him, although you dont want to pressure him into making any decisions, he will in his own time let you know about it. All you need to do is tell him once, which you already have. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2006): Sorry to hear about the break-up.. This is what i think.. he probably thought he was doing such a good job at being a boyfriend and he tried so hard and then you broke up with him hes probably a little hurt.. also,if you tell him how you feel months after, he knows you want him back but hes scared you will leave him again.. also when you spent the 3 nights together just cuddling and kissing and talking about you two is a good sign because hes shwoing you a little bit of affection and if he says he wants to get back with you soon then thats good but i think you should let him think to himself for a bit and then ring him or pretend you bump into eachother and then you chat, catch-up and what not and he will probably like that.. im sure your very confused but your just as confused as he is.. its good you explained your feelings so that he can improve on making those better in a future relationship with you.. just give him time or he might even miss you, see if he rings you first.. I Hope This Helped.. If Not Sorry But i am in the same situation and its frustrating :( xx
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