A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. Need your help! I am sexualy atracted to girls.I am 20 years old girl and have a baby I had in my teenage years. I'm on and off with her daddy we have so many problems and uncompatibilities.Im too scared to fullfil my fantasy because of what everybody would say. Once i did kiss and touch with my friend she had the idea but we were 14 and she regreted and told her mom and our friends and the girls sent me so much hate like if i was the devil this was all thraumatizing.My babby daddy said if i ever dared to do this and he found out he would tell My mom and dad that i am a lesbian and drug addict and My kid could even be taken away from me. I fear that when im older I will see that I should have done it when I had the chance and not hearing to what anyone says or thinks. I wanna let go of all this prejudices but I have cristian beliefs.Also I dont seek love its just pure physical pleasure. Help me with your advice and opinions please ??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (27 February 2015):
Should you "deny" the fantasies?
If you mean should you banish them from your thoughts entirely? - No, that would be impossible. It's perfectly healthy to have fantasies, frustrating though some of them may be. I ENJOY my fantasies - even if I know some of them probably won't come true.
If you mean, should you not try to make the fantasies come true? - I'm not sure about that one. If you are single, discreet and protect your child adequately - I don't really see why you shouldn't, but then again I don't share your views on the sinfulness of homosexuality. You would need to live with yourself afterwards.
If fulfilling a fantasy is potentially going to open a can of worms - then it's probably best left as a fantasy. As I said before - unfulfilled fantasies don't kill you. They might be tad frustrating but they don't kill you.
You're not being plagued by demons. You probably keep having the dreams at the moment because your stressing and fretting about it while you're awake. Just enjoy the dreams but don't spend so much time waking time pondering over them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2015): Thank you RubyBirtle for your advice. It was very helpfull and just to clarify, i'm not a lesbian. It's just a fantasy and I would never come out as a lesbian because clearly that's not the case and I could not deal with all the problems of even bringing this subject to people. Also, would you please tell me do you think I should try to deny these fantasies in My mind because I do have a kid and I will forever and eventually she'll grow up and it will be worst to give it a try. I'm just tired of having all these dreams about doing it. Am I being tormented by demons?
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (26 February 2015):
I'm not sure from you post whether you are saying that you are a lesbian or just that you find women attractive and have the desire to experience sex with one.
Either way - lack of sex doesn't kill you. Neither does having unfulfilled fantasies. I am hetrosexual woman who is sexually attracted to other women and I always have been. But I've never had sex with another woman and I can't really say that my life is suffering because I haven't scratched that itch yet.
If you have a young child then your focus must be on what's for them. Lots of people have to put sexual and romantic relationships on hold while their children are small as the kids needs come first. You won't be the only one (whether you're gay or straight)
But most single parents do want to get back into the dating world again eventually , which brings me to my next point.... you have to be SINGLE - if you want to have romantic or sexual relationships with other people (whether male or female) you'll need to break off with your boyfriend permenantly. It's not fair on him to cheat or keep him "on hold" while you seek an outlet for your fantasies. It's also not fair on your child to keep on-off relationships going as children find this very confusing. (And to be honest, your boyfriend doesn't sound like he's too much of a catch.)
Thirdly, unless you're talking about publically "coming-out" as a lesbian - I don't know how anyone would find out if you did eventually sleep with another woman. So long as you select your partner carefully and discreetly - it's private and no-one need find out. (I know that's easier said than done if you live in a very small community)
And finally, I'll admit to not knowing very much about US law (or the laws in your state) but I'm pretty sure that your child could not simply be taken away from you just because you'd had a lesbian experience. Sure, your religious community could make life very uncomfortable for you and ostracise you from the community and your family could withdraw their support but I doubt very much that they could simply take your child. Unless, of course, there's another reason which might make them want to "take" your child from you. You said that your boyfriend threatened to say that you were a drug addict. This is quite easily disproved with urine/blood/hair testing so don't worry if he's making an idle threat. But it would be a problem if you ARE doing drugs (even if just occasionally) so GET CLEAN.
If you truly are wanting to come out as a lesbian, then maybe a gay and lesbian advocacy group can give you better advice and support.
But, if you're just wanting to scratch an itch/fulfill a fantasy - don't stress about it. It won't ruin your life if it remains unfulfilled. And you're young... you have the rest of your life to fulfill fantasies and learn how better to deal with boyfriends and your parents and the religious communities attitudes.
Good luck
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