A
male
age
41-50,
*nthonysvisit
writes:My girlfriend an I had only been together for a couple months when all of a sudden in december she just stopped being affectionate towards me wouldn't kiss me, barely look at me, let alone make love to me. We had made plans for christmas eve and christmas day, only to have her bail on me and completely avoid any of my calls on those days and only answering on christmas eve to say it's done she can't do this she is fighting feelings for her ex fiance, and than the next day I found out on christmas she had him over and that she lied to me about the diamonds ear rings and necklace she had been wearing she told me she had bought them but Truth is her ex did. I ended up moving two days after christmas away from her back to two states away. When I told her that I was doing so she said she wanted to be with me and she was sorry I still moved but our original plans were to move there together an so we altered them to the point of where she was going to move in a few months because she couldn't just pack up her son and leave. That lasted for a month we talked through text email, myspace, web cam, and the phone for up to 5 hours a day. Than she begged me to come back an move in with me. So I did. I've been back a month and her ex fiance was calling non stop since I had been back at 2,3 in the morning with I love yous please come back to me. I put up with this guy calling for 4months until one night when he called at 230 I picked up my phone and called him and told him to stop she got pissed at me for doin so and said I had jealousy issues. I told her just as I told him that it was a respect issue I up till that point i had never told her I didn't want her talking to him. In fact I said if he's going to call do it during the day don't call at 3 in the morning and yes I told her i was insecure and I reminded her of why with the whole christmas incident, and the first night her an I ever spent apart how she had lied to me about why she hid all my clothes and bathroom stuff in the house she said she was just in a hurry and accidently did it but she later admitted yes he had been over with a couple of friends. so I told her yes I dont like the fact that she talked to him. She said I need to get over it. Since then I've moved back. I came back to town with 600 bucks I spent 100 on smokes on my way back cause they were cheap some for her some for me. I paid all my next months bills so during the period of me looking for a job I wouldn't have to worry about febuarys bills. I spent a 150 on her an I and her friends when we all went out and than lost my wallet with 200 plus dollars in it. Since than it took me 3.5 weeks to find a job, I had gotten 180 back from my tax returns which I than spent on car insurance and smokes I blew a total of 40 bucks, than still with no job she was paying for the groceries, Valentines was nearing and I still had no money and wasn't sure when my fed tax return of 250 so I borrowed money from my brother to do something special nothing extraordinary but sweet. She got mad that I borrowed money for that but not to help with groceries. I understand that point. Than I got my tax return the 13th so I was at the grocery store getting groceries after I paid my brother back the hundred bucks I borrowed, told her I was getting groceries and told her I was going to make something special for valentines she than said well lets go out tonight instead. So instead I took her out to a nice expensive dinner an went out dancing afterwards. WE blew all my return that night. Than once again I was irresponsible because I didn't spend it on groceries. That night after drinks an dancing we came home she started to come on to me sexually and I told her hold on one minute, (she had talked about how she wanted to try ice while I pleasured her down below so i went to go grab some) I came back from the kitchen she was pissed that I left and played the silent game would not look at me would not talk to me just layed there curled in a ball saying an doing nothing I asked her an told her it was important to me that she talked to me and she just laid there. Which I than stood up stormed loudly out of the room saying extremely loudly that "THIS IS FU***D" she than said that that was the meanest thing anyone had said to her, and worse than any of her exes. Since it's been 3 weeks since we've made love, it's been a week since she's kissed me. She erases her text messages, (yes I check her messages she doesn't know this but I do, and on friday I made the mistake of bombarding her with messages and phone calls ALL day while she was at work trying to find out what was going on and why she hated me so) almost daily and says she is pissed at me for all the mean things I've said to her like how I felt she has put her exes feelings in front of mine from the begining because we all worked in the same building and she wanted to keep us a secret so he wouldn't find out. And how on christmas she had him over because she accepted the jewelry from him and felt it would be mean to not have him over. I told her that was not fair or considerate of my feelings. she justified it with she had been with him for 3 years and she can't be mean to him, i told her that she didn't have to be mean, just stop thinking of him and his feelings first that he had the opportunity to have his feelings put first and he messed his chances up I'm with her now, and I deserve out of the two of us to have mine first. Not him. She is now wanting to stay together she says, but thinks she's not ready for the whole living together thing she isn't sure what she wants. I don't know what to do. I am the type that wants to talk about it all and find the problem so we can find the solution . She's the type that doesn't want to talk about it as she has said "it's her way or no way". I love her and her son with all my heart we had talked for months weeks, and days about family building marraige and life I'm a above average looking guy 6'3 190lbs really look good so women tell me, She's absolutely beautiful outside, and when things are good between us she has the biggest heart and I love to laugh joke an kiss . When I tell her I miss feeling her body against mine, and I want to go back to the way things were just a few weeks ago and be romantic and sincere and a hopeless romantic she says I'm such a girl. I need help I promised her space I want to give it to her I want to trust her but I dont know what to do or how to do it PLEASE HELP SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!
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at work, cheap, christmas, fiance, her ex, I love you, insecure, jealous, money, myspace, period, smokes, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cupid77 +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Sounds like she cheated on you with her ex on Christmas and acts suspicious alot of insidents after that. Almost like she may still be cheating on you with him. She needs to make up her mind if she wants to break off communication with him completelly or loose you. Continuing the relationship or friendship or whatever she calls it with her ex is not healthy for your relationship with her. It sounds harsh, but any time that her ex is involved, she lies. She tries to hide the fact that you live with her. She deletes his text messages, she accepts jewelry and lies about where it came from. She has no respect for you by continuing to allow him to call your house at 2 or 3 in the morning. There are alot of things that you complain about, and you should be. You are not wrong for sticking up for yourself. She needs to decide if she wants to continue their so called friendship or loose you. You shouldn't get played like that.
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