A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello!I met this boy, Brad, a couple of years ago and over the past several months we've become really great friends. We talk on instant messenger for at least 2 hours a day, some times as much as 7 hours. A good amount of the time our conversations revolve around music, video games, and other superficial teen-age stuff. But on occasion we discuss really important things like religion and our college and future plans. We talk in school and hang out with friends on the weekends. He's invited me to go sledding together, to go to a concert, and a couple other out-of-school engagements. Although these have all been one-on-one, we've never mentioned the word 'date.' I haven't had the courage to tell him how I feel because I'm so afraid that he'll reject me, so as of now we're just friends.During one of our instant message conversations he brought up the subject of prom (without prompt, might I add). We had talked about prom previous to this day but nothing serious. After some careful questioning he told me he plans to ask this girl Ophelia. Brad "liked" Ophelia for a long time. But this past summer, Ophelia began dating another guy and Brad was "absolutely heartbroken." In my jealousy and suspicion I asked Brad on two separate occasions if he still liked Ophelia. His answer both times was no, that they were just friends. After Brad told me he was planning to ask Ophelia there was an awkward pause in the instant message conversation. He asked why I was so quiet and I proceeded to tell him that I was thinking really hard about something and that I didn't know if the internet was the right place to talk about it. But I did ask him this: "What am I to you, Brad?" To which he replied: "a really good friend."He didn't really have much to say after that. Understandably very upset, I had one of my girl friends come over to council me. She advised me to go to school the next day and act as though nothing happened. And, although it was very hard, that's exactly what I did, and things since then are completely back to normal, actually even better.I've gotten mixed advice from several of my friends one of whom is even Brad's ex-girlfriend, and I've gotten mixed advice. I really want to tell him about how I feel and about how much I'm hurting, but I just don't know what to do. Brad is a very sweet boy who would never do anything to upset me, so although I know telling him wouldn't be a big deal, I don't want to put him in an awkward situation and make him resent me and our friendship. A lot of my friends tell me he probably didn't get my message from our last conversation and probably doesn't even know I like him that way. I don't know if I believe that. I know men are simple, but honestly, how could he not know? I'm afraid asking him about it again would make it seems like I'm desperate and pathetic. I think I may really have a future with this boy and I'm not willing to give up yet. I just need a little guidance.Sorry this is so long and complicated, and I sincerely thank you for reading this. Any advice would be helpful, and thank you again.Sincerely,Melinda
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female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (26 March 2009):
 I think you shouldn't tell him.
You asked him how he felt about you and he said plain as day that you are just a really good friend to him. Also, although you have hung out together, that really doesn't mean much... Guys and girls hang out one-on-one just as friends all the time. I know I do. So while you may have been thinking date, he probably was thinking kickback.
It seems pretty clear he is interested in someone else. By telling him, you would gain nothing. He isn't going to change his mind about you. If anything he is probably going to feel awkward being so close with you. Desperate and pathetic are never good words to call yourself!
I say pretend like nothing is wrong, keep your pride, and do your best to move on. If you keep him as a close friend, there is the potential for things to develop eventually... If you tell him and things get awkward, the friendship might deteriorate.
Hope I helped!
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