A
male
age
30-35,
*gtorange
writes:Alright, so I'm wondering if there's a nice way of breaking it to a girl that you're not interested.Back in June I hooked up with this girl at a party, and all we ended up doing was kissing, because she said she wanted to take it slow, which I thought was a bit weird, you don't usually "take it slow" on a spontaneous hookup, but whatever, i went with it.Then for the summer I had to go away with the military, and soon as I got back she was asking me to call her and arrange a date to hang-out and whatnot, which I was kind of trying to avoid because I got the impretion she was looknig for more than just a friendship or a hook-up. And if you haven't figured it out by now I have no intention of having a relationship, with not only her but anyone for that matter.Well anyways, on the weekend I was at my friends house and we had been drinking and whatnot, and she called me, so my friends being a bunch of drunken guys not enjoying the sausage fest that was taking place kept hassling me to invite her and some friends over, so I gave in and decided to invite her over.Anyways, I had been drinking all night and and we ended up getting together again, but it was the same thing as before, alls we did was kissing because she wanted to take it slow.So now everyday since then she's been inviting me to come live with her for a weekend (she lives a couple hours away), and she's constantly trying to arrange dates for us to hang out... basically she's trying to get me to hang out with her as often as possible.Now I realize by inviting her over the other night I probably raised her hopes of us having a relationship or something, but I'm really not interested.So now I'm trying to come up with a way to tell her I'm not interested, but I want to do it in as nice a way as possible. I was thinking of just flat out telling her I'm not interested in relationships, do you think that would be a good approach? Thanks.
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Er like ja! Just tell her outright. Go down to Sports world and purchase a pair of balls. Inviting her over to your mates was just a laddish thing i guess? Blokes being blokes. This girl has respect for herself and isn't handing sex to you on a plate, and hats off to her for that! Get the message that she isn't an easy lay for a one nighter, just wants to meet new people and see what happens, but doesn't want a one night stand, think about that, decide that you dont want to get into a relationship, as you have said on here, then dont expect anymore from her, and tell her the fact. You're the one being milky. She has been upfront with you, do the decent thing and return the favour.
Then look elsewhere for just a shag.
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, bamboogirl  +, writes (26 September 2008):
I think she will not understand that you are not interest in relationships. I know because i wouldn't undertand that, she really likes you, if she is allways the one who calls and you don't call her back she must know by now that you are not really digging her. Anyway her feellings are going to get hurt if you tell her straight up that you are simply not interested. But is inevitable that she is going to suffer, so do it soon and be honest, so she hopefully would get over you quickly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): i think you need to tell her...and should have told her from the beginning.this is the sort of thing that makes men look bad,becuz unfortunately most men do the same thing your doing...they lead the girl on,until finally she gives in and they get what they want.and then they dont talk to her again.its good that you know what you want,and im not against the fact that you dont want a girl for relationship purposes.but you have to make that clear to any girl that expresses more than just a friend type interest in you.otherwise she will get hurt,and its not fair to her.she should be well informed of what your REALLY looking for so that she can then choose whether she still wants to pursue you.when we like a guy sometimes our judgement becomes clouded,and if we are getting mixed signals then it just becomes confusing.we arent mind readers:) tell her
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (26 September 2008):
 If you want to do the kind gentlemanly thing, you should phone her and apologize for calling her up the other day and tell her that you are not wanting to get involved in a relationship. Tell her that you don't want to be tied down to one woman that you are still dating the field, so to speak.
She does sound like a nice girl who really wanted more than you wanted to give and hey, we women sometimes get caught up in a guy if we really like him. But you need to be firm with her so that she has NO hope for romance with you.
I too am glad she did not sleep with you. A woman who doesn't sleep around would be absolutely crushed if you didn't call her after that or if you then told her that it was only a hookup.
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A
female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Hi even though I'm not liking the fact that you called her again and made out with her again but you have no intention on having anything with her. Ill answer your question. You can tell her exactly the truth. You don't want a relationship but you did enjoy the occational hook up. You don't want to take advantage of her as she is very nice and all that and should be spending her time and energy on someone looking for something similar as she is. Tell her it was nice and all but your just not in it for the long haul ball and chain. Its your life and when you tell the truth your conchence Is clear and no harm done. We don't live our lives for others and we don't hinder out lives to save others feelings. Just be truthful. If she cries or is hurt its her own fault. She should have known from the start when you weren't calling...writing or showing up at her place that you weren't diggin her like she was diggin you. Good luck. And I hope you find your piece of the occational ass now and then. There are a lot of girls in this world that are willing to sleep with anyone anytime. I guess this girl was a good one if you were looking since you know she doesn't spread em for just anyone and even when she likes someone she won't. That's good for her. Not many like her anymore.
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