A
female
age
36-40,
*panglegirl
writes:Please help i really need some advice as don't know what to do. Me and my ex split up about year and a half ago, it was his choice and although he never really gave me a proper reason for it he decided to go travelling not long after, which i think was the reason we split.We decided to stay really gd friends and stayed in touch while he was away.Well he came back a while ago now and no matter how much to suppress it i still love him. Thing is i don't think it is all one way as have always had a feeling he still has feelings for me, especially just lately. just by the little things he says and does, for example we were out in a group the other week and he bought up a conversation we had when we were together about what i would name my children, when i asked him why he bought it up he said it was something he was never likely to forget and we're still quite touchy feely. He still looks at me the way he used to and the eye contact is really intense.A few of our friends have picked up on all this and i really feel as if i need to talk to him about the way i feel and the way he feels it's justi don't know how to, he has always been quite shy about talking about how he feels and to be honest i'm really scared of ruining the friendship we have. This has gone on way to long and it's driving me mad, any suggestions or advice would be excellent as i really don't know what to do next.
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my ex, shy, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, spanglegirl +, writes (15 May 2008):
spanglegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question I hadn't actually thought of it from his point of view, i can see what you mean if it was me who had broke up i'm sure i'd be pretty reluctant after hurting him.
Thankyou both for your imput you've made me think about it differently.....and i know theres no getting away from the fact that i have to talk to him about this.....may need to have a stiff drink first though!! Don't you just wish life was simple!!
Wish me luck! :)
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 Hi again,
to answer your question. Yes.
I probably would in his situation.If I dumped a girl then came back i would feel pretty lousy about it and would be very reluctant to push it too far as I might think she would tell me to go take a hike.
Now I'm not saying that he is going to come running into your arms, but I think you have to get it out there.
Of course one way to do it is to tell him that you are having trouble simply being friends as you feel there is unfinished business between the two of you. That is not quite the same as asking him out but it lets him know how you feel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): You seem to have made good friends with this guy, and I can understand your unwillingness to change the status quo. However, this friendship dosen't seem to be helping you emotionally. I don't think this guy will dump you if you tell him how you feel, cause he seems to enjoy your company. If only for your own sanity I would suggest that you broach the subject to him in a gentle way. If you tell him how you feel, he may not feel the same way, but he could also be dying inside and unable to tell you how he feels. I say talk to him, if he rejects you, or it's akward then you can take a break for a while and get your head together. I don't think you can carry on like this or repress your feelings any longer.
However, I could be wrong. Maybe it might be better to keep your mouth shut and enjoy what you have. If he wants to change the situation he will come and tell you.
I'm sorry, I've probably been no help at all, but your situation, as you know, is a difficult one.
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A
female
reader, spanglegirl +, writes (15 May 2008):
spanglegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your imput, you bought up something in ure reply thats been bugging me for ages and thats if he liked me why hasn't he done anything about it-if someone was that shy about their feelings would a guy really prefer to stay silent on the subject rather then confront it.Cos him not doing anything is theain thing that is holding me back and giving me doubts about his feelings.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (15 May 2008):
Hi,
well you just got to do something about it dont you? Otherwise it will eat you up and drive you nutso.
So why don't you arrange to meet up somewhere comfortable and intimate ( and obviously just the two of you )
A wine bar for a drink after work, or a nice cosy Italian restaurant. Have a couple of drinks ( dont get drunk ) just relax and tell him how you feel. He's a guy so you don't have to open up too much. Just ask him if he is interested in getting together again.
As he dumped you previously and is shy he is most likely extremely reluctant to ask you.
Be brave and ask him, good luck.
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