A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll be turning 17 in just over a month, and I've stayed a virgin for the fact that I'm waiting for the right guy. The older I get, the more difficult I find it to keep my virginity. So, I'd much rather be safe than sorry if anything were to end up happening. I want to talk to my mom about going on a birth control pill, but I have no idea how to bring it up to her or what to say. My mom and I don't really have a very close relationship, and I'm not very open with her about things because I'm afraid of her reaction to them. I know that as soon as I bring this up to her, she's going to assume I'm sleeping around (she's very assuming), but I don't want her thinking this is the case, because it's most definitely not! And I know that she won't believe me when I tell her that's not the reason I want on the pill, because she doesn't even believe I'm a virgin (most people don't, simply for the fact that I'm not really what one would consider to be ugly.. Not trying to sound like I think highly of myself lol, I actually have very low self confidence). How do I bring this up to my mom? What are some things I could say to assure her that I'm not doing it for the purpose of being able to sleep around (that's definitely not who I am or something I would do)? Thanks in advance =)
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male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (22 February 2011):
 I'm sorry you feel like your mother isn't approachable on this and has preconceptions. You sound very responsible.
A couple of thoughts. You could show your mother this post as a starter for a genuine conversation.
You haven't mentioned your father. If he is in your life, you might be surprised that he's open to the conversation. I have daughters around your age. To be honest, my concern for them is that they stay healthy, be happy, and make decisions that are right for them. No, I don't want them to sleep around, but if they were inclined to do so I would want them to be safe regardless. The pill would be part of that, and I would help them get it, but I would want to include a conversation about safe sex.
Lastly, your flag is Canadian. You have a health-care number. You should be able at 17 to make an appointment with your family doctor on your own and discuss the situation. It's far better to have a parent involved, but if neither is willing, most likely your family doctor can give you guidance.
Thank you for being so thoughtful about this.
A
male
reader, sevenseals  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 Has your mom had a history of reacting negatively to questions about the human body that you may have had? If so, then she actually might not be the right person to confide in.It's rather unfortunate, because one would like to think that you can talk to your parents about anything, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it might be. But sometimes, parents don't know what's best. This is especially true in highly religious and conservative/reactionary households.First and foremost, it's definitely up to you when you decide to have sex. Now, if you're going to approach your mother about it, you're going to have to ease into it. Ask her vaguely related questions, like, "When was your first time?" and "Why?" If it gets out of hand, or she reacts negatively, then your next option should be to seek the advice of an organization like Planned Parenthood, a doctor, a sexual education expert or a policeman.Well, maybe not a policeman. In any case, your concerns are natural, and at your age, very common. But remember that you're going to want to educate yourself as much as possible. Nothing is worse than ignorance, especially when it comes to sex and your own body.
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