A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear friends, I have come to a crossroad. I married very young, at the age of 21 to someone I thought really appreciate me for my adventurous spirit and strive to always be better. Just to give you the necessary history, I earned an associates degree shortly after we were married, then moved across the country to be with him. I took every job I could and applied year after year to the local university. At first, he said I couldn't go to school because it would cost me money, meanwhile, the military is paying for his degree, that he now has. 5 years later, I'm finally at a university of my choice, and I've always wanted to go for International Business / Marketing. I am working 2 jobs, and putting myself through school, and have many opportunities in front of me, including a study abroad program. Which would be a dream. I understand I'm a little older, but we don't have kids or a house or anything like that. All I want is a semester abroad to gain some culture. My question is, while I'm just now getting to the schooling part of my life, which I feel was held back due to my husband and other reasons, and all he is doing is making me feel guilty because he wants to buy a house and be with someone who knows what they want. I know what I want, and maybe quitting 2 jobs to study abroad is a little crazy, but I'm still fairly young and missed out on a lot by being married. Is is wrong that I want a good education and to have the studying abroad experience? At first he said it was great, that I should go for it. Now it's all about this house he wants to buy, we are just not on the same page and I don't want to watch even more of life slip away. Inut?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011): Thank you so much for the feedback! I thought I was crazy. I have now let my job know and have begun the application process! 6 months abroad will give me time to think about my relationship.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 It's simply not wrong that you want to study, and it's simply not wrong to want to do some of your studying abroad. As simple as that. It's getting late for your studies, and now is the time.
The way things are being presented, it would seem that studying would be your selfish way to prevent the family from buying a home. That's not true, and it should have never been presented that way.
There is something I don't quite get. Would you go abroad and leave him if you were to study? That alone could be a reason for him to be against your going abroad, but - and here I beg you to listen up- not to be against your studying.
Unfortunately, this is the kind of things where you have to push if you want something to happen. I know you want him to agree, but it seems to me that he just won't unless you apply more than a little pressure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): I'm in complete agreement with you.I spent 8 years of my life (age 17-25) with a guy who limited me in so many ways - socially, emotionally, travel. Like you, I work hard to accomplish my goals. I finished my undergraduate at 21, however felt very 'stuck' in that relationship. He simply wanted my life to mold to his, he didn't care enough about me and my life dreams/wants and instead pushed for what he wanted to be comfortable and happy. He was a little more materialistic, wanted us to buy a condo together, have the nice cars and just live in one city...there were other control/abusive tendencies too.At any rate, I decided that my way out of a very boring life and at times challenging relationships, was to do all my paperwork/exams and move to the US. I moved, ended up staying for a year (broke up with him in that year...best thing I could have ever done), then moved to Scotland where I did my Masters. The last four years since leaving his city (3 years since breaking up) I've lived in the US, lived in Scotland, visited most of Europe, Egypt, Spain, Jordan, Guatemala, Belize, Mexico....and ended up with someone that shares my sense of adventure for life and travel.Honestly hun, do it...go abroad, go explore the world. LIFE IS SO DARN SHORT. With the way the economy is going and house prices have fallen, there will still be many years to purchase a house on the cheap.Can he buy the house on his own or does he expect you to contribute (while working 2 jobs and going to school!!!)??? That would sound rather selfish don't you think?You know, thats the problem with marrying so young. You do grow up and change...very much so in our 20's. He doesn't sound like he's very encouraging or willing to compromise. That's sad!For now put your foot down and go study abroad. The opportunity will not be available later when you have kids and financial responsibilities like a house.Also, slowly, start evaluating whether your husband truly has the best intentions for you or whether he's making decisions from a very selfish place. Ask yourself whether he makes you happy, whether you feel supported, whether he encourages you and helps you be the best you can be.Don't sacrifice opportunities like this. You'll resent him later for holding you back.
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