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anonymous
writes: My partner and I haven't been together very long, only a matter of months. I love him very much but feel confused.When we do make love, it is fabulous but he doesn't seem to have the enthusiasm for it that I have. I guess I am an old romantic, I want to be swept off my feet and swept to bed sometimes but spontaneity seems to be lacking. He sometimes has excuses. I feel pretty unwanted yet he tries to reassure me that he loves me, finds me sexy, etc, etc. But I still feel this way. Actions do speak louder than words. As evening progresses, I am always wondering if we will make love and the tension seems to rise. I try to say nothing but my feelings get the better of me and then we argue and he says that puts him right off. I feel as if I am chasing him for sex all the time, I almost feel ashamed of myself. I am loosing confidence in my sexual ability, the way I look and I am too frightened to initiate sex. I suppress how I really feel and this is such a shame as I spent many years not wanting sex at all in the past before I met him. I have tried telling him all this but nothing really seems to change. Please help.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (1 April 2005):
 I feel a little the same as you... The main thing is that he loves you!... You need to take the focus off the sex issue for a while, as hard as it may be... of course he wants to be with you and finds you attractive and sexy or he wouldnt be with you. Try and find other things in your relationship to focus on. I know how you feel, when you say you dont feel attractive, I think we all get that, its just part of being a woman. I get where i think why havent you pounced on me, youve got a fabulous girlfriend that wants sex with you , why dont you want to know! I think its one thing i will never understand, perhaps to men the chase is more exciting, and once they know they have it on tap, its just ends up being something that couples do... it wont always be like that if you take the focus off.. you are doing similar to what i used to do.. sit there and wonder, and when it doesnt happen you get all upset and sometimes cross that he doesnt want you.. but thats in probably in your mind, as like you when we do have sex its fab, there comes a time when you need to think, i love him the sex is great when we do have sex, lets not spoil it by putting pressure on! You need to stop sitting there worrying about it as that in itself is driving you nuts, and making it worse, let it flow, let what happens happen, and try to be more natural in your thinking... You need to enjoy being together, afterall its not just the sex that makes a relationship work. Yes i know its a big part, but by focusing on that all the time, the rest of your relationship will become torrid.. I know, its happend to me, the rows etc... but the more you go on at a guy hes just gonna clam up and think why bother! I do know how you feel, but i think us woman, do tend to look into things too far... you need to let him know how much you love him in other ways... spend more time together doing other things, the worst row of all is the sex row... just be glad you have each other, and are in love. The more laid back you are the better it will feel, honest!.. Try to think about other things other than him pouncing on you... seriously its the best way.. that way when you do have sex its more fun, there is no pretense to it and your not always sitting there wondering... above all value each other, have fun together!Hope this is of some help to you... your not alone, loads of woman feel the same... its all about being together, and loving one another, the sex part is an added bonus.Take care!Good luck x x
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