A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First, a little about me: I'm 24 in university and one year ago I broke up a five year relationship. It was one of the best dcions I've made and I don't regret although I miss sex and kissing, especially that. I'm shy and don't really know how to deal with boys... I haven't dated since the breakup not for lack of want but because I'm not good at meeting new people.One of my closest friends is male, bisexual (although currently more interested in dating males than females) and a bit of a slut. I think I am absurdly crushing on him... Several things have brought this on, the main one being that we've hooked up several times... The first time we were with a third female friend and last night we repeated the experience and I felt totally left out... I mentioned it to him this mroning and he said I could have jumped in any time! Didn't exactly make me feel good... Anyhow, I've noticed myself feeling jealous about the encounters between my two friends (and a bit pissed too, because my female friend has a boyfriend, but that is hers to deal with me- and also at him a bit because when we've hooked up he rarely kisses me, but with her it's all tongue and lipa)...I rationally keep telling myself that it's ridiculous to feel this way because 1. My male friend is looking for a male counterpart 2. He'll sleep with anyone that let's him 3.a reltionship with him would not work due to time constraints, differing view points on where we're headed in life, couplehood (he's ok with open realtionships, I'm not)... Friendship wise we are really close (I've met friends of his which this third party does not know, he's accompanied me to places without I even having to ask,I've been to his house with his parents more times than I can count, we usually walk holding hands when we're together...) So, to shorten this up... I don't know what to do to get over this infatuation - I by no means want to break up the friendship (even more so considering that next year he'll probably be moving away to another country); but I really want to stop crushing and feeling like shit everytime he's around my other friend (especially because we're all travelling together in a few weeks and probabilities are we'll stumble into bed...-and I don't want to say no to that either...)Help please! I guess I'm asking how to kick emotions out of the equation and stop being infatuated.
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broke up, crush, has a boyfriend, jealous, kissing, shy, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Subtract the fact that this guy is bisexual, and what do you have? It becomes a pretty common situation.
The answer is no mystery. You are in a FWB with a manwhore and you are falling too hard for him. You are abusing yourself and you need to stop this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2012): stop having sex with this guy..
You are taking sex very casually.. If he is a slut.. you are a slut enabler and not less..
jokes apart sex is a sacred/serious thing and it does things to our system.. like release LOVE HORMONES which makes you feel like you're in love....
just cos u can get it.. doesn't mean you have to jump on board.. and if this guy is that way.. it means he may be just jumping on board with you as well.. so DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THIS GUY..
Spend time with other guys..
Be a friend in its true sense...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 I would not do anything to deny parts of myeself in order to keep a friendship. You are paying too much and not getting enough value from this guy. A young person wanting monogamous relationships can seem rare. But they are there and they are worth the wait and patience to find them. You can also try slightly older men. I don't meet people but online dating worked for me and I have been happy with my results. An alternative lifestyle is what a lot of young people would try but there are more people who would stick to the tradition when it comes to relationships. Stop thinking he's the only option in your life.
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