A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I need advice on how to deal with my so called best friend. We have been friends for 5 years and were at one point so close we knew what each other were thinking and even had our own coded language. Over the past year though we have not been getting on and although we still meet up regularly i feel that its forced, on my part more than hers. She has always been emotionally unstable and found conflict difficuolt to deal with so she was always getting upset with someone over something no matter how petty. Also over the past year she has become more selfish and would only talk about herself when we met up. The thing that has upset me the most though is that I had a baby a few weeks ago and I had to literally beg her to come and visit me, and when she did she had no card or gift for me or the baby even though she had promised me she had and had even told our other friends she had bought us things but ive never seen them. We fell out over the fact it took her weeks to come and see me and her excuse was that she doesnt drive and i live a few miles away from her. The way I see it though, if it was my best friend who had just had a babyi would make a very big effort to go and see her no matter where she lived.Because of this I no longer want to be her close friend. The only problem is, we hang around with a large group of friends so it will be hard to pull away from her completely. I just need to try and distance myself from her without causing friction and uneasieness with our other friends so that when we all meet we can all get on. I dont want to sit down with her and tell her how much its upset me because she cant deal with conflict properly and also i actually dont think she even cares. I just want to stop being her friend. But I need advice on the best way to do this?
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female
reader, Charlpop +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Hi :)
Sounds like this is a really awkward situation :S
But I would suggest that before you try breaking friends with her, talk to her about it.
I know you said she can't deal with conflict, but it doesn't need to be conflict
Just talk to her about why she didn't come see the baby, but try your hardest not to let it become an argument!
If you don't want to try talking to her, maybe you could get together with her to do the sort of stuff you used to like doing together when you were best friends, and use some of the old stuff you used to say, private jokes etc.
If this doesn't work (because you should try this before breaking the friendship) then just spending time with some of your other friends rather than her will get the message across to her that you guys just aren't that close anymore and you'd rather spend time with other people.
I hope this helps :)
A
female
reader, iiSparkle +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Hey there,
That must be very upsetting to through that, with your best friend, well i think you should tell her direct you dont really want to talk or be friends as this would alert her. Or you could just stop talking to her, thats what i have done and it worked for me and now that friend doesnt even talk to me unless the rare "hello" sometimes comes up when we hang around with a group of people but thats it.
The best way to do this is just to talk to her less, and dont arrange to meet up with her, if she doesnt bother then why should you waste your time on her? When you could be spending time with the baby :)
If she did care then she wouldve arranged to see you and wouldve been closer to you, but i think you should just leave it and stop doing everything in your friendship.
The best option is to stop the contact with her, and if you see her with the large group of people just sit next to your other friends and talk to them and say "hi" to her thats it, if she doesnt respond its her loss not yours, you tried everything to save your friendship.
Hope you and your baby are doing well :)
Best of Luck x
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