A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi my name is Gloria I am 20 years of age and I am feeling a lack hope, emptiness and depression. My ex boyfriend who is 22 years of age and I had wonderful realationship together for 4 months and we dated for 11months, he truly made me happy and always pushed me to do better. A few days ago we were having a discussion about our future plans and I asked him how we would both make time for each other while we were both were in school. He said that he was hopeful that we could make it work, then I proceeded to ask him how did he feel about me and he told me he cared for me, I wanted him to express himself more so I said to him if someone were to ask me that question I would say that my feelings are almost to that point (meaning I love him), he then said that he cared a lot about me but his feelings were not as strong as mine. I then suggested that maybe we should take a break and at first he was shocked, immediately after I said that he said wanted to give us another try but I guess the more he thought about it the more he realized that he did not want to be with me. He ended up breaking up with me that night, he said that I seemed doubtful about the relationship and he did not feel the same way I felt about him. At the time I did not want to admit it but towards the end of our relationship I was always fearful that I would lose him, and of course I did. I now realize more than ever that I still want to be with him but every time i reach and talk to him he say's that he does not see positive outcome with us being together and he can not give us another honest try. I want to still have hope that we will get back together but its seems like he has given up and that discourages me from still having hope that we will get back together. I've been trying to apply the power but Its hard for me to feel good when I feel so sad at our break up. I guess this question is should I still have hope when the situation seems hopeless or should I move on.Please I need help, a prayer, some advice. I hoping to hear from you soon. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 July 2011):
 You say you WANT to still have hope that you will get back together, but are feeling sad and discouraged.
There's a good reason for feeling this way. Your ex-bf did at first say he HOPED there could be time for the two of you while still in school; and that his feelings are not as strong for you as yours are for him. He then thought about it for a little while, and decided to end the relationship that same evening. None of this can hardly be said to be exactly encouraging, or more than "lukewarm" feelings on his part. It had most likely been building to this conclusion for some time since you say the relationship was wonderful for the first four months.
You know what? It's not called "dating" for nothing. What dating boils down to is a "tryout"; or a sort of trial run, or experiment to see how well two people get on together and whether there really is a good basis in terms of how you both feel about one another, how you resolve (or don't resolve!) conflicts and disagreements; what ideas, views on life, what your goals are for both the short and long term.
I'm not saying there isn't attraction and genuine caring, fun times and numerous other good experiences you share together. The thing is, there are a lot of "ingredients" that go into a good long term commitment or marriage.
Unfortunately, sometimes there just isn't the potential for something more. It sounds like that to me.
If you can grieve for a while, and then move on with your life, that's probably for the best. You have your future ahead of you, and plenty of opportunities to meet numerous other guys, and hopefully with one of them, everything will all come together and you'll both be happy. But give yourself some time to think and learn from this experience and to heal from it before looking around for another guy.
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