A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to sow my wild oats. The problem is I am in a LDR and he doesn't know it. we never met. he is a great guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings so I need a good excuse to dump him for not apparent reason and no I can't be honest because that will hurt him more. He never hurt me before either. I can't settle down before knowing what else is out there. It's easy to say for those who have experimented already. I might regret or not but can't waste time. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Ahh, I must have misread this one. I thought that her in-person boyfriend didn't know about her LDR relationship with another man.
In that case, I take back what I said about the breaking up in person thing. Everything else stands, though I must say that you're also right in realizing that an LDR relationship isn't in your best interest. Most of them aren't feasible unless the LDR part of it is *very* temporary, like a term at collage (even that's a stretch) or a deployment to a war zone or something else with a definite end date to them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010):
At your age, you don't have time to play the field much if you hope to start a family someday. But believe me, you're not missing out on much. What you'll find if you do this, is a long line of jerks. I know that from personal experience from all the guys I dated before I met my husband 30 years ago.
If I were you, I wouldn't dump him. He's far away, so how is he going to know you're playing the field a bit? Besides how committed should you be to a man you've never even met?
Date a few other guys. See if they compare to this other man in your heart. You may decide that you'd rather stick with this guy as a good man is hard to find.
Also, it makes me wonder just how close your relationship is if you've never met. Is there any way that you could get together with him before you take such drastic action?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Question: how can a person be in a long-distance relationship and NOT KNOW IT? NEVER HAVE MET the other party?
If this is a real post, I agree with Quiet-Echo and with You Wish, EXCEPT in saying that "the issue is you" and "you want to explore other possibilities". If you are going to dump the man, tell him "You haven't done anything wrong but I don't see any future for this, so off I go. I have someone else in mind. This is it, OK? No texting, no nothing." Sugar-coating things is never a good thing. It adds to confusion and to pain.
This is an unlucky man who won't be told this in person, anyways, because this "is" a long-distance relationship between two people who "have never met".
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (22 November 2010):
 The poster has never met this man so she can't do it in person.
I concur with the others who have commented that you don't need a reason to end it with him......however, you don't need to hurt him unecessarily by saying you want to sow your wild oats. No, just let him know the friendship is no longer working for you. (After all, it isn't, is it?)
If he wants to know why - snd he probably will - you might bring up the fact that you've never met and not likely to (if this is true) and so you see no real future in continuing.......wish him well and let him know you've enjoyed the online videos (if you've been using Skype) but sorry, that this must be the end of it now.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): ~DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU EXPECT OTHERS TO DO UNTO YOU~
Tell him the truth. He will hurt less and maintain respect for you.
Intentionally hurting and disrespecting another is cruel.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 November 2010):
You do not need a reason for breaking up with the guy except to tell him that you're interested in playing the field and seeing other people. Trying to come up with an excuse (i.e. provoking a fight, lying, or accusing him of infidelity) is immature.
Just talk to him very gently, but firmly that you feel that you must go in another direction in life. He will try to talk you out of it or ask to just be friends. Don't allow that to happen.
It will hurt him less if you tell him that there isn't anything wrong with him and that the issue is you. If he asks you if you're seeing other people already, tell him that you want to explore those possibilites.
Also, do it in person. Texting, emailing, or talking on the phone isn't the honorable thing to do. Do it in person, in public, and make it short and to the point.
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