A
female
age
41-50,
*itkatt123
writes:I have been married for 14 years to a wonderful man that I am very much in love with. However after I got married I realized that I was bisexual. About ten years ago I had a girlfriend that he knew about and I loved her very much. At that time he was very accepting of it. We broke up when she got married but now shes divorced and she and I have realized we still love each other. Now my husband seems to have a problem with it. Im not sleeping with her now but we did before. Before my husband was in on the physical side of the relationship but now she doesnt want that. I think he was only accepting of me being bi because he wanted a piece of it. I dont know what to do now, I am in love with them both.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, tux +, writes (19 October 2009):
 Let me ask you this... How would you feel if your husband came up to you and said he found another girlfriend and wanted to sleep with her but didn't want to share her with you, would you be ok with that?
That is the same situation.. it's just that the other person you love happens to be the same sex as you which does not justify anything.
Should he be forced into a situation where he is giving you his full love and that you are only giving him half your love because you love someone else as well?
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (19 October 2009):
 Please get divorced so you all will be happy. You can have your girlfriend, and your husband can have someone he can be married to that will respect the vows they made.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (19 October 2009):
 It seems that men think that bisexuality is just something to get off on when it's found in women. I think before, your husband only saw this arrangement as something that he could enjoy as well. But now I think he realizes that you actually have feelings for this woman, and it's not just a physical thing. You actually love her.
I think he is finally threatened by the situation and feels like sharing you with another woman is the same now as sharing you with another man. Now it's becoming a threat to his marriage with you. Situations with more than two people in a relationship usually end in someone feeling hurt, because not everyone is a hundred percent willing to share. At least he is being honest with you what he can and can't tolerate. You are going to have to decide who you want to be with. A woman who you had physical relations with, or a man who has been your husband for fourteen years. I would hope that you would choose the latter rather than the former, because he has been with you for such a long time and obviously seems like a good person.
But the choice is yours. Just know that you can't have your cake and eat it too. I wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 So let me think about this... you want your cake and eat it...
C'mon... wake up and smell the coffee, I think your husband has been very passive, ok so he may have wanted a piece of the action. Did he really have an option? From where I am, "should he share you or loose you?" isnt an option.
You have been forced into a corner by your selfishness and either way you will loose one of them, rightly so!
Make the wrong decision and it will significantly affect the rest of your life.
Steve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): gay, bi, or straight, the rules are the same. No sharing unless both partners agree. I guess you will have to choose...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 October 2009):
You're going to have to choose. Your husband doesn't want you going with her. The choice is this. You go with her, you lose your husband. You stay with him, you lose her. Think very very carefully about this, because once you've made your choice, you won't be going back. All the best.
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