A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am not after romantic relationship advice, but family relationships. I have a brother. I will start from the beginning so you can advise knowing absolutely everything there is to know. He went to the army when he was 17 and was there for 6 months before he got into trouble with his sargeant and hit him over the head with a glass bottle when his sargeant annoyed him one evening out. Now as you can imagine this didn't go down well and my brother was put in army prison for a year. This was just the start. My mum and dad have tried so hard with him and he's just ended up doing his own thing. My other siblings and I are all very respectful people and are often asked how one of us turned out like him. When he got out of the army, his girlfriend fell pregnant. They lasted up until my nephew turned 6 months until she found out he was cheating on her. He then promised his son he'd see him and didn't show up and acted like a complete idiot. He has been arrested quite a few times also (for things like fights). My nephews mum then gave him another chance and he tried to hit her and cheat on her again and she told him where to go. She stopped him from seeing their son as he got into drugs and was dangerous. Fast forward one year and he met another girl. It seems like he was finally settling down as he got a job, a flat and they seemed happy. I became friends with this girl and she started to confide in me that he was cheating on her. I told her many times to leave him and that he wouldn't change but of course she didn't listen. Then came my wedding another year down the line (they were still together and he still was barely bothering to see his son again). He showed up to my wedding on some form of drugs. He was completely out of it and not himself and ruined the whole reception. This was infront of my whole family and my husbands family and their children. He got himself arrested that night and has yet to apologise to me properly because I don't really count "uh, sorry init." as a real apology (I have been married 2 years now). I can never forgive him for that. It was my wedding day and now when someone asks about my wedding, I don't remember the happiness I felt, I remember crying on my wedding day because he was scaring me and was out of control. The girl he was with still spoke to me and came to visit occasionally and started telling me he was hitting her. I was outraged. I told her to end the relationship many times and she still didn't. It came to a point where I couldn't keep advising her to leave him when she wouldn't listen and so I told her I couldn't keep listening to her moan about him if she wasn't going to do anything. They ended about 2 weeks later (Thank goodness!) and she got her own place and moved away. He was and is still a complete idiot! He is now with a new girlfriend and has been for 6 months and is already cheating on her. She has now started trying to confide in me and It's literally like having dejavu. She moans about all the same things (apart from abuse) and I just don't want anything to do with him anymore. I have reached a breaking point. The only problem is, excluding him my family are very close and meet up on all the holidays and I know my mum can never give up on him. So even if I did try to shut him out of my life, I would still have to see him at family events. I have a little boy myself and the thought of him being around us scares me. What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 May 2015):
 I would cut the contact and NOT be there to listen to the GF complain. SHE is choosing to STAY with him. YOU can't fix that and you CAN'T fix your brother.
At family gathering I'm sure there are plenty of other people to talk to besides him. I'd honestly ignore him best as you can do.
Your brother has issue. He knows it, but pretends it's EVERYONE else fault. And he will continue to sabotage his life AND if you let him everyone else too.
As for your wedding and the apology. I doubt it will happen, and if it does it won't be sincere. Let it go.
And when you think back on your wedding, FAST-FORWARD when you think of your brother's behavior and think of happier episodes at the wedding, don't LET him ruin your memories too.
A daughter of a friend of mine had her 400 lbs "step uncle" try and strip and do a "pole dance" number in the rented tent, which almost collapsed on 150 people - imagine that... She was embarrassed, till I told her, EVERYONE is going to remember HER wedding and to not let ONE person ruin that day.
YOU can NOT control what other people thing, feel or do. You can not FIX your brother, but you can CHOOSE to NOT enable him and NOT socialize with him. IT's OK.
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