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male
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anonymous
writes: Ok, so here's my situation. Dated a girl long distance. She seemed totally into me at first, was asking me to come visit her at school even though she knew I couldn't, sending me suggestive texts. We had a few dates over the period of a couple months, fooled around a little bit. Then she broke it off before she got back. I texted her a lot at first, then I sent an email with song lyrics.She responded saying to stop being so nice, she's a sucker for stuff like that but she really doesn't want to get hurt. I persisted and then she said "Joe, I'd let it be, I really don't want to get hurt." Texted every couple of days there afterwards, send a couple of facebook messages. She would always respond, but it would always be "hey - been busy" or something of the sort. Last week I sent an email saying hey, I understand where you're coming friend, I'd like to try being friends, why don't we give it a few weeks." Thing is, I couldn't bare to be friends at this point and I can barely let two weeks go by without contacting her. I want to send her a sweet message about how I feel about her, but how much is too much, and when does it become stalkerish? She seemed to be so into me initially ... how can things have gotten like this? I feel I should take a chance with a little love letter, but I don't want to be obsessive.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): i would have to disagree with everyone else. i have been that girl. she is probably scared and needs some time to figure stuff out. my boyfriend and i are long distance, and the only reason we are together now is because he persisted. long distance is scary for a girl, especially if she's been hurt recently. it's hard to trust someone from miles away. give her a break for a little while, make sure that she doesn't feel pressured by anything. develop the emotional relationship, yes, this might mean acting as a friend. but she needs to really be able to trust you before she can be in a relationship with you. you'll find that she'll want to talk to you more if you push it less (absence really does make the heart grow fonder). all that aside, she may really want some distance from you. i know it's hard to know, but this stuff really is difficult. just do your best to respect her wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Don't contact her again. She might contact you in time to come to find out how you are doing; then just send a very normal "cool" mail nothing to romantic or to sweet.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): I've been in your shoes and i know how it is when you have feelings for someone and the person is not returning it.all i'll say is that when you see her face to face just explain how you feel and tell her that you are ready to take things slow but stop texting her because a stage will reach that she will start ignoring your text and calls.good luck
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 First suggestion -- back off all the texting. I can tell you from personal experience that it's a fine line between being cute and being annoying. So watch that one from now on... not just with her, but with anyone you might date in the future...
...and yes, that sentence implies that this love story might be over. Long distance relationships are difficult at best. Maintaining the energy and excitement over a long distance is difficult as well. I get this feeling that if you push on this too far, friendship might not even be possible. What do I think? Well if you're planning on writing her a letter and in your heart it seems like your best choice, then do it. I would be prepared for a cool response though. Sure, it might not be like that, but there's a possibility. You seem like a kind-hearted person and I'm telling you this because you should be prepared for a less than warm reply. If she broke it off, then she's got it in her head that you're done.
It also seems that you two are from the same area in the country. Don't you think that it would work better in your favor to wait for her to return to that area and have a face-to-face meeting and talk all this out then relying on electronic (text and email) to communicate how you feel?
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