A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How often should a couple spend time together. Ive being with my bf for nearly 8 month and we see each other 2 nights a week. One day in the week and a saturday. We live in the same area. he could walk to mine in 3or4 mins. I want to see him more but he dont seem to want to. Am i being pushy? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Doesn't seem to want to? What do you mean by that precisely? Has he directly told you he doesn't want to see you more often? Does he tell you "I don't want to" when you ask to meet-up? Does he screen your calls and not pick up when you call to talk? Does he avoid you?
Listen, unless he's actually directly told you he doesn't want to hang out more often, then it's not a problem to hang out more often. He doesn't need to, since he's not the one pushing for it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't WANT to. Need and want, two different things. You need to see him more, and if you asked, would he say no?
It's not a problem if you are the only who initiate most of the contact. As long as you are aware that he appreciates you, wants to be with you, enjoys hanging out with you etc. You shouldn't feel like you are being pushy, just because he doesn't initiate contact more.
Just talk this over with him in simple terms, like this:
"We only meet twice a week. Some times I want to see you more often. However I am afraid to ask you to meet me more often because I am worried I will sound pushy, or that you don't want to meet me. So my two questions are, 1. if I initiate contact, would you see me as pushy or clingy? 2, if I asked to see you, would you accept?"
PS. he could walk to yours in 3-4 minutes, then you can also walk to his in 3-4 minutes. Maybe try to do that one day and see how it goes?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): no girl.. you have every right in the world to ask for more time, I'm sorry but this is not right.... i mean there is something wrong... you should ask him if there is something going on with him...
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A
female
reader, virgin18  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 My situation with my bf is kind of the same as yours the only difference is that my bf is married to his job and that is the sole reason why we don't see each other as much as we would want to. I sometimes have thought that I am the one who puts all the effort in seeing each other but I have talked about it with him and have made it clear that it upsets me. After talking about it and listening to his side of the story I have a better understanding of why things happen the way they do. His job still rules his life but I at least know that he loves me just as much as I love him and misses me as much as I miss him when we don't see each other. The reason why I told you this story is because talking about it with my bf helped my situation with my bf, try to find out how he feels about spending time together more and if there is any reason why you can't see each other more. You are not pushy, believe me. I see my bff 3/4 days a week (thats if I get lucky because there have been months we only see each other 1 day a week) but because we talked about it I learned about things that make me understand why we don't see each other more, so just talk to him about it and see how that goes! Good luck!!! :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 May 2011):
 If you want to see him more than he wants to see you, your not being PUSHY but your time-tables are off. He may not be as serious about you as you are about him.
there is no right or wrong for the amount of time couples spend together... there are couples that spend 2 nights a week together for years... then there are couples like my ex who move in together within three months...
Personally for me, i want to see my partner as often as possible and we live in different states so it's hard but we make the effort as best as we can...
if you want more time that he does not, perhaps you are on different time tables OR you want different things from the relationship.
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