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male
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anonymous
writes: Please help me, I really like this girl in my school and I see her every day. I am getting stressed out because it is like one part of me says say something to her and the other side is stopping me from doing this. Has anyone experienced this before? Please can someone help me! Any advice will do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 September 2005):
 I think *everyone* has experienced this. Believe me, it's common to the human race, particularly early in your teens, when all this attraction-to-the-other-sex is new and strange.
Don't feel like you have to explain your every feeling to the girl you like, or go over the top with a big romantic gesture. In fact, that would be a mistake. The reason that you keep stopping yourself is that you're worried about being rejected. That's fair; nobody wants to be embarrassed around somebody they like.
So do things in small steps. That way, if she doesn't return your feeling, you haven't gone out on a limb and said too much.
Here's about the smallest possible step, to get you started. When you see her at school, make eye contact and smile. Say "Hi, Miranda!"
(Well, maybe you shouldn't call her 'Miranda' unless that's her name, but you get what I'm saying.)
I can tell you confidently that 'Miranda' will start to notice you after a couple of days. If she likes the attention, she'll smile and make eye contact with you, too. If she doesn't like it, she'll seem uncomfortable and embarrassed, and it's better in that case to leave off. But speaking as a woman who was once a girl, I can tell you that, if you're sincere, most girls will be thoroughly flattered by the attention and look forward to more of it.
The next step after that is you go up to her, introduce yourself - "Hi, I'm Matt. We're in Physics together" - and talk to her about school-related matters ("Are you going to try out for the play?" "Did Miss Wade assign us all of Chapter 8?").
You'll notice that at no time have I recommended that you say "Hi, I'm Matt and I think you're hot!" That's because girls respond much more positively to small, sweet gestures than to big, show-offy "pick up lines", no matter what other guys will tell you.
Once you've established that you're interested in spending a little time with this girl, you'll find that she will want to talk to you, too. When that happens, just listen and ask questions, and she'll think you're *great* company.
Don't feel stressed out. The discomfort that you feel is totally normal, because you're in a new situation. The best way to deal with this is just to be friendly and cheerful, and act as if you and 'Miranda' are already friends.
You'll be fine. Really. You will.
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