A
male
age
41-50,
*hip2000
writes:Hi there. My and my ex decided to mutually end our relationship 6 weeks ago. We would have been together 3 years tomorrow. We've had a strange relationship, sometimes it being long distance, and sometimes almost giving up our normal lives for each other. We'd tried breaking up before, but after a month we couldn't be apart any longer !! This time it all happened so quickly. I thought this break would be a chance to get back out there, re-discover ourselves and enjoy our lives again. However 6 weeks on I'm still on my knees and completely in pieces about not having her anymore.To make things worse the few times i've called her, it's as if being without me is the best thing thats happened to her. I know during our relationship there were many times I failed at being a good boyfriend, but right now it's as if she's enjoying the fact that i'm struggling and she's riding high. She's even going as far to preempt that she's thinking about going with other guys. Obviously this is destroying me, as I still think of her as mine, and our lives being together. Is this really how she is feeling, or is it perhaps her way of coping ??I'm not sure right now what to do. i want to phone her and try and work things out, but also I can't physically take the pain she puts me through with her "I'm over you" attitude. Has anyone been here before ? Does she just need time to be with her friends ? Is there any point in hanging on ?
View related questions:
long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): It sounds as though she is slightly resentful of what happened in your relationship. The only way to clear it all up is to talk to her about it. Either that, of stay away from her and move on and just forget about her. I suppose you don't want to live with regret so if you really believe you want to try again with her perhaps you should talk to her. I wonder if she is talking about other men to make you jealous and I have to say she is not behaving very nicely if that is what she is doing. Mind you men and women can play a lot of games with each other. It's hard to say without knowing her. Either way, be prepared that it may not ultimately work out and you may have to move on. In any case, protect yourself and you can get love comfort and acceptance from other people, including friends but in different ways to how she showed it. I wouldn't let her know you are on your knees you do need to get into a position of strength within yourself so that if you do speak to her you don't come across as needy for her and also so that you can cope yourself with whatever ultimately happens. Good luck
A
male
reader, Chip2000 +, writes (13 February 2008):
Chip2000 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi.thanks all for the great response..... it really helps. In answer to your question, the main reason we broke up is just becuase we stopped making the effort with each other. We got complaceant, and instead of trying harder to resolve it we both thought we'd split......a decision I've regretted ever since, and have tried to tell her !!Sometimes I feel like I drove her away by being insensitive or by forgetting to do the simple things, and other times I feel like I put in more effort than she did. I can't really replace what she gave me with other things or activities, because what she gave me was all the small things like acceptance, comfort and love (although that is a very big thing !!)still i guess only time will tell. thanks again for your ideas and comments.....it really does help a lot.
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 She's sticking the dagger in you and twisting it. Friends and family will tell you what you want to hear. We Agony Aunts and Uncles will tell you waht you NEED to hear.I agree with Dazzerg that the last sliver is the worst, and the most painful. Valentines Day is the worst when yoy are going through something like this. How Do I know?I went through a painful separation about 6 weeks agoand to make this all worse....Valentine's Day is MY BIRTHDAY.It sucks, but you can and will pull through it.If it takes one hour at a time, one minute at time, you will get through this!Take care!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Hi I'm sorry you are feeling like this it must be awful. Have you tried making herself less available to her? She can't actually miss you if you are always available and in contact with her because in order to miss you, you need to not be around so much, if you see what I mean. You say you broke up last time and then had to get back together. It sounds as though she is taking it for granted that you will always be around and there is no need for her over-emphasise what a good time she is having and in fact I wonder whether she is just putting on a front or trying to convince herself she is ok without you. Maybe because you found it so hard to break up last time, she is trying extra hard to have a good time to get over you. This is a bit tricky because it's hard to tell without knowing more info like what was the main/real reason you broke up? It comes across as though she is being a bit insensitive though. In the meantime do what you need to do for yourself and get as much support as possible form your own friends etc ... 6 weeks is early days yet and it will probably get easier. If you really want to be with her, maybe at some point you should discuss it with her but keep an open mind and give it some space first. Also, what is it you miss about her and can you replace that with other things/people/activities? If you are meant to be together you will be and if not, you won't. Take it easy. Let us know how you get on.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (13 February 2008):
 I think for your own emotional well-being you need to seriously consider a spell of no-contact. It's hard to tell what her true attitude at this distance; it might be a front and it might not. Whatever the truth of her feelings you need to think of your own well-being and keeping in contact with her is clearly doing you no good at all and is not helping you heal, quite the reverse it is rubbing salt in the wounds. If that is the way she is being with you then I find it hard to believe she cares about you if she is being this way; she does not seem to be displaying alot of sensitivity.
I think you are the one who needs to spend time with their friends. Talk to them, let them be there for you and try and pick up the pieces. If it is a front and she cares for you she will come back to you and if she doesn't then she wont. As I am writing this I am feeling cruel but I would say that I have been there before far too many times and it is that last sliver of hope that stays lodged in your heart which is the cruellest and hardest to shift. No contact would help you break psychologically from this and begin the process of healing which needs to happen. Good luck and keep us posted :).
...............................
|
