A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok, gonna try 2 b straight to the point, I met a guy in phych ward (u may of read my 1st question, in troubled relationships) we stay in touch after we get up, meet up, move into gether, and have a rocky relationship, i was such a drunk and so was he, every night after a few beers and bottles of vodka, it was violent, mutually, but the violence wasnt consistant. he would steal money from me cause he couldnt hold a job ect.ect, compulsive lies from him i could write a novel but i wont, bottom line he was also a compulsive lier, extremmely, didnt find outabout alll the lies till i was in love with his alter-ego, blah blah, 2 years later im pregnaut, right after we called it quits, we get back together, i cleaned up my act, so did he (supposivily) my carzy raging alcholic symptoms didappeared, he calmed down, so there was hope. had the baby alone, he was in jail for a majority of my pregenacy, for minor things, i had a c-cection, and went home alone, and it was jus me and baby for 2 weeks, and c-cections are painful in every wat possible! he got out, and finally i figured that now that raigan (baby) is here, no more trouble, i cleaned up real fast, but sadly he was still telling compulsive lies, couldnt hold a job, degraded me as a mother to my best friend saying "i wish u were the mother of my baby insted)all these phychlicol issues, that didnt make sence. a few month later he robbed a store, when i was in need of diapers and baby food, insted of being a provider, he decides to spen every last penny on crack, then went to jail got 5-10. I'm sure some who read this are familar with all the details, and I've gotton past alot of it the anger and hurt still linger, but i pulled my head outta my ass and could care less id i were to ever hear from him again, the delimma I have now, is even though i have accepted him for who he is when it comes to our relationship, and i know this is gonna sound stupid, but my daughter has just had her 1st b-day, and he didnt send her a card or letter, i want her to have a father, my dad is my hero, and tho hes no hero, I don't feel like i have the right to deny her a dad, just cause i cant stant hiim, i want her to have what god granted her. and if he were to get out tomorroe i could not make the decision on what is fair for her or not, if i felt like he was a lost cause than i would not allow it, but i cant punish them because our relationship was a trainwreck, so am i being over emotional by feeling that i since i asked him to please give me space, and keeping communication strictly in regaurds to our daughter ,and he hasnt wrote to me sisce i made that clear, not even birthday wishes, im getting the feeling that he is 1 of those guys that figure that because i dont want to have anything to do with him unless it concerns the child, he figures that he cant keep me in his life by using raigan and a bonding glue he has just given up? am i just thinking too much, i want the best for my daughter, and if this true, than alls well that ends well, ad why am bothered so much? does it sound like i maybe lieing to myself, because it really shouldnt bother me if that what his purpose was. i guess my mind is so screwed cause the past.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 February 2009):
 Any male can father a child but not every male can be a DAD. Raigan's biological father sounds like a grade A loser and can hardly give his child a positive male role model. She will be better off not having a lot of contact with him if you want my opinion. You and your daughter need to hold each other's hand and look into your futures. Best of luck to you, and remember, one day at a time.
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