A
female
age
41-50,
*IS
writes:Hiya :) I have split up with my boyfriend beginning of August. He is a nice bloke, but he took me for granted too much and I was the one working at our future. I have summed it up now, he has never been independent, always had mother and me taking care of his every need..there are several other reasons as well. The thing is, he is heartbroken and wants me in his life. I am trying to remain calm and collected and haven't seen him, but when he gets in touch, I get all sad again. I want to move on with my life, I want to start dating again, I am happy when he doesn't get in touch, but I always don't go through with anything because he always says 'it will break him'. I need strength...Please help :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CIS +, writes (1 October 2013):
CIS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer. It's given me some confidence - I just want to do it now (I know I can!), just don't want to hurt his feelings and as he has children who love me, it's just so difficult! X
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (1 October 2013):
 I have been exactly in your position, my first boyfriend and I were together for years but he always had me or his mother pandering to his every whim.
Eventually I ended it and moved out and THAT was when he decided I was the one he wanted, he loved me, missed me, needed me back, he even proposed marriage!
It made me feel awful, but I surrounded myself with friends and refused to take his calls and would remind myself of all the times he'd failed to support me and encourage me yet expect me to help, nurture, love, support and encourage him every single day. I remembered the way he didn't want to discuss the future or work at our relationship. He took me for granted and just expected me to be there when he needed me.
I knew that if I gave in and went back, it would only be a matter of time before things went back to how they were.
I was sad for the loss of the future we might have had and for hurting him, but my needs were just as important and I was unhappy.
I started dating again and met a new guy who treated me like a princess, the relationship didn't last, but it taught me what I had been missing and we had fun and it boosted my confidence no end.
Stand your ground, live your life and in time you'll hopefully meet someone who fulfil your expectations.
I hope this helps AB x
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