A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all! Some advice would be great! I've been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years, everything's great! However, my work means that I have to move around different departments in my local area and work there for 3 months! Before I move on to another!On my latest 3 months I was attracted to one of the guys that worked there! My first day he came over to where I was working for no apprent reason and just stood in that area! After that for the whole placement I felt like we kept making eye contact and I felt the attraction between us! I think he felt the same as he kept looking at me from a distance and then working near or around the area I was in! ( it's a large unit so you can work anywhere, yet he was always by me!) I have a boyfriend and I discovered he was dating another coworker from that unit. So I obviously didn't pursue anything and acknowledged that this was just one of those many moments in life when you share an attraction with someone! I left the unit feeling slightly sad that I wouldnt see him again but happy that I could move on from the silly crush! I would never of acted on it even if I didn't have a boyfriend due to him having a girlfriend! The crush did blow over and I stopped thinking about him, however three times this week I've had the same dream that he pursues me and tells me about his feelings! It's left me feeling really uneasy and yet again he's all I can think about! I keep getting butterflies but then they subside when I realise that will never happen!Why am I dreaming about this now? It's been 4 weeks since I last saw him and I thought I had completely forgotten about him! I did the right thing and didn't act on my crush, as I do realise it's just a crush! So why won't my head just let me forget about it! It's making me miserable!
View related questions:
co-worker, crush, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 August 2014):
 I think you got SOMETHING from this little "attraction flirtation" that you don't get from your BF, maybe because the two of you have been together for so long OR because you both take each other a little for granted.
My advice? Spend some of all that energy you are wasting on a guy you can have and maybe don't even want... on bringing some romance back into your relationship.
What you felt is not uncommon at all, it's like "new car-smell" just in relationship terms. You felt those first butterflies and you enjoyed them, it's not strange at all. Even IF you have a BF. Having a partner doesn't make us immune to attractive people or fantasies. But there is FEEDING the fantasy and then there is nipping it in the bud.
You, need to do the nipping.
I mean let's look at it from a different angle.. HOW would you feel if your BF saw an attractive woman at work and did this whole "playing footsy" thing YOU did? How would you feel? So take some time figure out what you feel you are missing from your partner, be it date-nights, more affection (not just sex), attention... and then SHOW him what you need or TALK to him.
I don't doubt your relationship is good overall, BUT I also don't think people who are TOTALLY happy with their partner "branches" out on borderline obsessive crushes like that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): There it is again, the magic number in the UK...4.5 years into a relationship! This is a very significant period in a relationship! Where do we go from here, if he hasn't put a ring on it?
You had a brief encounter that should have been dismissed as just another tiny flirtation between a man and a woman. They happen and it's just a fact of nature.
The important part of being in a commitment is overcoming temptation. That is what commitment means. You are being exclusive, even under the threat of temptation; or the impulse to go outside the relationship to pursue other people.
If you are that obsessed in your thoughts for another guy; it means you feel you've been with your guy too long and you want to date other people. Your post is admitting that aloud. Otherwise, dreams are insignificant. They recur and have very little true meaning. They are just the subconscious playing back something that is dogging the mind or is unresolved in the world of reality.
You have the searing hots for that guy. If you are in a happy and successful relationship, shrug it all off.
Let the storm pass. The theme of your dream is being pursued and told you how he feels. Your boyfriend isn't doing that is he?
Read your post. You didn't even mention how you feel about your boyfriend. Only that you have one. I know how you feel about the other guy.
If you fear you are in a slump and your relationship is void of excitement, there is no more sexual attraction; or you have been committed too long to the same guy since you were just a teen. Then consider ending the relationship and dating other men.
You are already considering it, or you wouldn't have written your post. It's not just about that guy. You're tired of being in your present relationship, it's too long, and you feel like you're in a rut.
Either restart the spark in your relationship; or consider dating other people.
Even if you breakup, you have to give yourself a few months to detach and recover from it, or you'll end up on the rebound roller-coaster. Having regret, guilt, and second-thoughts whether breaking-up was the right thing to do.
You are thinking about another guy. What could that mean, you wonder?
That means your heart is no longer in the relationship you have. You're tired of trying to keep it going. You're probably the one putting everything into it; while he's just coasting along, and letting you do all the work.
The relationship is at a stand-still. Not progressing forward, and no promise into the future. That's a big chunk of your life to give to someone, and feel you're getting little to nothing in return for the investment.
Introspect, and be honest with yourself. Are you happy with your relationship, or just being complacent? If you feel it is really time to move on, be honest and let your partner know. Always, always, always tell your partner when you feel your relationship is deficient or stale!!! A malnourished relationship is lethargic; and will leave the mind wondering and the eye roaming. You will start looking at other people and forming crushes. It's normal. It is also a test of your commitment to your partner.
Don't settle for a stagnant relationship starving for attention, intimacy, and craving to feel young and attractive. You would not be a bad person. You have to do what is right for yourself, and fair to your partner. If he isn't making you feel the way you want to feel, then he has left you to do what is right for you. You must talk and sort things out, if your mind is now fixated on another man.
If it's all feelings below the belt. Ignore it. If you're just horny, that is no reason to end your relationship.
It's normal and it will pass. If in your heart you want out,
then that is when you end what you have.
Resist impulses that tempt you to cheat. That would be the worst thing you could do to yourself and your partner. You were right when you said it is just one of those moments that comes in your life. It even blew over. It also a warning-sign. You need to recharge your relationship, if you truly value what you have.
People ask here what to do to recharge your relationship?
It starts by talking to each other about what you miss or what you would like to do that you haven't explored together that is healthy and doable. You need romance, spontaneous affection, holding hands, holding each other.
This formula works only when TWO people work at it.
...............................
|
