A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he's a sweet guy. We get along really good and talk about being together forever and getting married. Our connection is deep and we call ourselves soulmates. A few months ago we talked about our future together and made it clear that we both want to move in together (implying that soon, real soon this will happen) and get married. I thought by now we'd be living together. It seems like it's all talk and I'm getting tired of waiting for our lives together to begin. I'm starting to think maybe he doesn't have enough time to commit to us anymore. Currently he works about 60 hours a week. In the beginning he was able to leave work and let his staff take care of things without a problem but not anymore ever it seems. I also have a 2 year old son from a previous relationship and the days he does have off I don't have a sitter. What really complicates things are us still living with our familes when we're both in our mid and late 20's. On his days off he can come over here to hang out because otherwise it's not going to be possible for us to see each other. On days that I do have a sitter he is working long hours and tired by the time we get together. Living with our families and me having my son has made it impossible for us to be able to spend a night together (sleeping over and holding each other) as we so desire. Our intimacy suffers due to lack of privacy at times as well. I feel like I'm in in a teenage relationship with him sometimes due to our restrictions and I am ready for an adult relationship. If he loves me as deeply as he claims and wants a future, then what is he waiting for?I don't care for begging or acting desperate. If he doesn't want to move things up a few notches soon I just don't knwo what to do because I love him so much. I can't picture my life without him in it yet at the same time I am not wasting my time if nothing will come of us. Help, what should I do?
View related questions:
engaged, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 November 2008):
Have you asked him why he is working long hours?
Because he might be doing it so that at some point he can go down on one knee and pull out the diamond he thinks you deserve.
He also may be worried about housing deposits and furniture and bills so will want a chuck of cash behind him.
I know you don't want to beg or nag, but there is no harm in letting him know you are sick of not being able to hold him all night... and also, take the ball and run with it. On your days off get down into town or on the internet and do the research, figure out what areas you want to live in and what you can afford, then get some details of places that are available and bring them home to show your boyfriend.
Start moving the process forward yourself. He may be working so long because he's feeling that it's all on him to do.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (16 November 2008):
 maybe either he wants to build his financial status up somewhat before a real commitment. some guys want to have money for a big wedding ceremony, in which case hes working frantically so he can give u a fantasy wedding etc, perhaps he does not want an apt setting, and would rather work towards purchasing a home or something along those lines... i do know that there are guys out there who wont settle for anything less then providing what THEY feel is the best for their future mate. and thus, sometimes the girlfriends get frustrated bevause they dont know why the bf is delaying or taking so long to commit. dont pressure him, but if u both are as close as u claim then u should not hesitate to communicate ur concerns and ask him what his feelings are. simple. good luck
...............................
|
