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anonymous
writes: I really need help. I'm 18 and have been with my boyfriend a long time. In 3 months time he wants to get married and has had a vasectomy. He is getting it reversed so we can start having children. Problem is I'm in great risk of losing my mom if I do. My mom is never happy with my choices. I'm 18 and trying to live my life, where if its up to her she'll stop it.Should I go ahead with my future or should I throw it away and just stay in my room like Mom wants me to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2005): The marrige isn't such a good idea, you have so many boys to come and go yet, having this marrige really it's just a marrige waiting to end in tears, respect your mum because if you do get married and it fails your left with no mum.
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female
reader, married with 1 +, writes (30 September 2005):
your an adult and i know people are saying your only 18 but everyone was 18 once. as for your mom, i had a similar experience and am getting married in oct. my mom didn't like my partner and did everything she could to try and split us up. i have a son whos dad didn't want to know and has never seen him and when i first got with my partner she kept saying to him do you know about the babys real dad,and constantly going on about it. my partner didn't let her win and now were getting married my mom has come round and has realised that he loves me and thats all that matters. maybe when your mom realises how happy you are together she'll come round.
like i said at the beginning you are an adult and your mom will always love you no matter what happens
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reader, pops +, writes (30 September 2005):
Put the brakes on here, darling. If you have not broken with your mother, so that her wishes are any kind of influence on decisions as important as who and when you marry, then you need to do some growing up before taking the plunge. I suspect your mother knows you better than you want to admit. If she is against this marriage, give her the respect she is entitled to and hear her out. You don't have to agree with her, but you should give deep consideration to her reasons why she thinks this is a mistake for you to make at this time in your life. 18 is awfully young today for people to marry. You are barely out of secondary school, have no job skills, no income, and no assets. Hardly the time in your life to consider a marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2005): I have to come out on your mother's side. She's not trying to control your life; she just wants to protect you from making a huge mistake.
You say you're 18, and you've been with your boyfriend for "a long time", though you don't say how long. Is "a long time" six months? Three years? If you're confident about being so suited to each other that you're going to get married and spend the decades together, why do you have to get married so quickly? Why can't you slow things down, and set the wedding date, for say, 2007? You'll only be 20 by then, and you'll have had a good long time to consider if you're really ready to get married to this man, and to prove to your mom that she was mistaken about him.
Another aspect that concerns me is that, if your fiance is getting his vasectomy reversed, there's a really good chance that he's a lot older than you. Most reputable doctors won't perform a sterilisation on any man under 25, and even then, not unless he's already married and has kids.
So how much older than you is this guy? Is it possible that your mother isn't so much trying to control you, as to prevent someone much older than you from taking advantage of your youth and innocence?
I say, slow down. There is NO REASON in the world that you have to get married at age 18. It's a mistake to think so. Have a look at the divorce statistics for girls who get married at your age. More than half of marriages don't even last three years!
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