A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 and absolutely in love with a man whose 30. He already has a 4 year old from a previous relationship. I know for a fact he is ready to marry me. I want to marry him as well, but one thing keeps me from saying "yes", and that is the fact that he has a child. I come from a really traditional upbringing, where you don't get into another relationship when you already have children, unless your significant other dies. I can't bring myself to just go with it and say yes to him. It boils down to this: I don't have any interest in being a part of his son's life, and he knows it, and accepts it. I am just really afraid of when it comes time to live under the same roof with him, and his son might want to live with his father...I don't know how I would deal with living under the same roof as his son, whom I want to be no part of. So, my question is: Are all these feelings worth sorting out and saving a great relationship, or do I just throw it away while I'm still young and find someone that doesn't have a kid already? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): I'm not sure what kind or traditional upbringing you have had but everything in the begining of your question makes sense until you say you want no part of his child, his child is a part of him and if you want to be his wife you should want to love all things about him including his child, no one says you need to be a mother to his child but I'm sure there are plenty of other women out there that would accept him and his 4 year old as they are. If he is divorced then he is the one who sinned, not the innocent child. you should probabaly re think your relationship.
A
female
reader, Light  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Well said Brooke I agree....
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A
female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 You cant say you want to marry him but have nothing to do with his son. Thats cruel and will never work out. I have dated someone who had a daughter and at first it was weird that he had this massive history with someone else and had a baby with her but you get used to it and in the end when we broke up i missed the little girl more than i missed my ex!
I dont think you would have a great relationship. If you want to be that big a part of his fathers life, you have to accept the boy. If you cant do that then cut your losses and find someone else because you cant make him choose between you and his son. If he is any sort of decent man he will choose his little boy over you without any hesitation.
You cant go into someones life and try to change it around, you either accept his life the way it is (with his son in it) or you dont be a part of it. Ignoring the boy wont make him go away.
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A
male
reader, rproctor +, writes (24 April 2008):
You should end the relationship because in all honesty, that child is probably more important to him than you. Not to say that he does not love you, but to keep you separated from his child would be near impossible, especially under the same roof. If you can not deal with his child then you should not be in this relationship... You should have thought about this before hand though...
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